Only When You Dream
by Xanderschick
Summary: After graduation Angel takes some drastic measures to stay with Buffy. Can dreams really become reality?
1. Can't Stay Away

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel just can't stay away from his girl…

A/N: Yep, this is my first fic! Figured I should write my own fics instead of just reviewing other peeps. As with anyone, reviews would be fab and _constructive_ criticism is more than welcome. Tell me if u like and it'll keep going, tell me if it's crappy so I don't waste my time. Enjoy!

A/N 2: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Prologue 

I don't need you.

I've lived centuries without you.

Why can't I stay away?

It's been 3 months since I walked away from you that night but I keep coming back. Do you know? Through those midnight tears and those restless dreams do you sense me sitting at your bedside?

I never got far. I'm not an emotional man…monster…but that night I cried. Selfishly. I cried for everything I lost when I gave up my life. When I gave up you. I know I did the right thing because now you get to walk in the sunshine. I'm not the centre of your world anymore. But you're still the centre of mine. By night I'm by your side, taking in your every breath. Cursing that moment before sunrise when I have to leave you until the next time the stars shine brightly in that merciless night sky.

Every waking moment you belong to the world. You're my girl only when you dream.

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Chapter One - Can't Stay Away 

I watch you cry. You've just gotten back from another meaningless patrol. Willow had been talking through college class choices with you. I'm so proud of you. But you missed that fledgling vampire. Sometimes your lack of sense makes me smile. Especially when it came to me – it's like you couldn't focus when we were together. I couldn't either. All I could see was you; all I could feel was the warm that you feel for me. I hope you know that I love you more.

You undo the new style in your hair, preparing yourself for the day to come. Your big move to the UC Sunnydale campus. I wonder if tonight will be our last night together. If I'll still be able to see you in your new home. The simple thought that I won't starts to break my heart all over again. No, I tell myself – tomorrow doesn't matter because we have tonight. I'd give up my whole existence just for one more night in your arms, even if it's just to watch you sleep, to have your warm breath caressing my skin, giving me life that I never had even before I became a monster. Why do you love me as much as you do? I'm not worthy.

The tears continue to flow as you undress. I watch, enamoured. You have a beautiful body, a work of art. Your newly freed golden hair lies on your shoulders and you turn to face the window, showing me the form that I have dreamt about since our one night. Even Angelus wanted you. His perverse thoughts plague my brain and I feel him pushing through (_Fuck her senseless. She wants it more than you do_) and I try to block him out but I can't help but want what he does. Tears fall from your face, onto your chest and you slowly massage your hands across your breasts, wiping away the signs of your sorrow. I've never been so aroused in all my years. It's as if you know I'm watching. I will you not to stop, yearn for you to keep touching yourself. I want to see that look on your face again – the one you wore when I gave you your moment of true happiness. It wasn't just me that night, was it? As your hands slowly move down your toned stomach and towards the one place that I wish I could be, my excitement grows at the thought of what's about to happen. We both need this release. Our silence is interrupted.

"Buffy, honey, would you like some cocoa". Your mother calls from downstairs. I can hear a slight tremor in her voice. It's her last night with you too.

"I'll be down in a minute" Your trance is broken and you pull on a spaghetti strap top and a small pair of shorts. You check yourself in the mirror, making sure all the tears are gone, and you put on a brave face (that's my girl) ready for another encounter with the woman who gave me the sense to let you go. I admire her because if you ever found out what she did she'd lose you too.

I stay in the tree opposite your window, ever waiting for your return. A half hour later you slowly walk back into your room. I hide myself as you walk over to the windows and close the curtains. I'm sense you heading straight for bed, dodging a few fully packed cases along the way. You climb in and reach over to set your alarm (7am as always) and switch off the bedside lamp. You pull the covers over you and cling on to Mr Gordo (I wish I was that pig) and the tears come again, sending you slowly off to sleep.

I wait until I know you sleeping, your breathing slow and deep, before I make my way to your window. As I climb through you stir slightly, but I continue - you have this reaction every night when I enter your bedroom. I remove my jacket, shirt and shoes and lift the covers beside you. As I lay down you turn towards me and lay your head on my chest, still sound asleep. I wrap my arms around you and breathe in the strawberry scent from your hair. This is our relationship now. We spend every night this close and I don't think you even know it. But being with me calms you, helps you rest, and you have slept well every night since I started to rest beside you. At least I can still do that one thing for you. I kiss your forehead and close my eyes, letting the peace that being with you brings overcome me, and I too fall into a land where I'm with you always. Only when I dream.

I awaken to the smell of the coming sunrise and realise that it's time for me to leave you once again. Distress floods through me as I move you away from me and gently exit the bed, aiming to put my clothes and shoes back on. I hear you talk softly; words that I cannot make sense of, and I turn to look at you once more.

I'm taken aback to see you staring straight at me, eyes wide open but no real emotion on your face. I've been caught on the last night. Somehow I'm not surprised. I do the only thing that comes into my head –I lean over and brush my lips against yours. You respond passionately, grateful to have me with you once again. I can't help but kiss you back forcefully, overcome by emotions that I haven't felt since the last time we were together like this. You begin to caress my bare chest and all thoughts of personal control dissolve from my mind. I climb back under the bed sheets and start to stroke your stomach. Over a year of self-control, seeing you everyday, why did this take so long? I lift of your top and begin to kiss your breasts. The longing I had for you last night takes over and I can tell you've already given in to me, too weak to fight this anymore. We both are.

As I slowly pull of your hot pants I hear your breathing begin to increase, your heart pounds and I smile, overjoyed by my ability to make you feel like this. I unhurriedly lick this inside of your slender thighs and I hear you moan gently, eager for more. I move higher and softly kiss you in the one place that I never thought I'd be in contact with again. I look up at you and I see surprise in your eyes. I've never done this to you before for fear of going to far. Oh, how you've missed out. I carefully work my tongue all the way around you and hear you breathe out sharply. I don't have the strength to tease you anymore though. As I lick, nibble and kiss you I hear the most wonderful sounds as you moan, pant and quietly sigh my name, freeing yourself completely, arching your hips into my head, begging for more. You taste so sweet. Better than the blood that I've unwantedly craved for so long. Your voice begins to rise as the climax comes and you lose all words as you delight in that peak, the release that you've craved in for so long. But it's not enough. I'm surprised at your strength as you pull me up and flip me over quickly removing my pants and underwear in one. You stop still for a moment and I look at you questioningly. You smile at me and I can't help but smile back, seeing a light in your eyes that has been missing since your seventeenth birthday. You lower yourself onto me, never breaking eye contact and begin to rock. I move with you, my body a haze of heat and sensation, and it isn't long before you're moaning in ecstasy again, sweat running across both of our bodies. I feel like my hearts about to burst as I look up at you. I close my eyes and take an unneeded breath as I feel the moment about to wash over me, ready, accepting that I will pay a high price for this one moment. As the feeling overcomes me I feel a lump in my back. I unwillingly open my eyes.

I find myself staring at your bedroom ceiling. You're lying snuggled up into my right side, still lost in the serene sleep that I bring you. It was just a dream. I reach behind me and grabbed the thing that woke me. Mr Gordo. Do you think he was jealous? I look over at your clock: 6:57. I get up quickly and hurriedly dress myself before the sounds of the radio welcome you to a new day. I lean over you and kiss you lightly on the lips before moving over to the window. I ease it open gently, using the curtains as a shield. I quickly move them aside and throw myself out the window, heading directly to the shade of the trees by your house.

An hour passes until you finally emerge with your mother, cases in hand; ready to move onto your new life.

The next day I sit alone in my apartment, my head resting against the back of the bed that we made love in. it's the only place I can be tonight. You have a roommate now (is it just me or does she smell like a demon?) and I don't want you to find out about my nightly visits. Last night I could only watch you sleep. A restless, violent slumber. You haven't been like that in months.

I've been hiding in this place since graduation. You came by once. I could sense your presence outside the door. You didn't come in though. You just stood outside for a few minutes and left again. I could smell your tears all the way from my bedroom. That was the only night that I cried for you instead of me. I wept for your loneliness and your broken heart. For your knowledge that you would eventually have to move on. Move further away from me.

I miss you. Even just holding you while you sleep. I need to be near you. I can't give you up again. Never again. There has to be some other way. Any way that I can still be with you. My girl always. I'll be with you again. Soon. Before you really do move on. I can't let you get away from me. You're everything. But now there's only one way to get to you. And I have to know how I can use it. Now, the only way to get to you, the only way to be with you, is only when you dream…

To be continued… 

So what did y'all think? I have an idea of the rest of the fic but let me know if I should write it. Thanks for reading! X


	2. Another Way

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then, because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore. Oh, what to do…

A/N: Had some probs with Chappie 1 but that's back up properly now. Bring on the reviews (please)! And yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!"

A/N 2: This chapter is mostly Angels POV. I know I said in Chappie 1 that this was gonna be an Angel POV story it's gonna be a Buffy POV story too. Look out for Buff stuff in Chappie 4

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Two - Another Way 

The old man looks at me and I see a faint smile play across his lips. "You want to know how to get into another's dreams. Control them." By now I'm getting impatient. The sun had set only an hour ago but I want to be prepared for tonight. "Yes" I answer back without flinching.

"It wasn't a question" he replied quietly

It's been five nights since my girl had moved into the UC Sunnydale campus an already I'm cracking up. I haven't been able to sleep without her by my side. After talking to (or beating up) every reliable demon source I could get my hands on, a Berallack demon I found in Willies pointed me in the direction of this guy. Doc. An old male of human appearance and an unrecognisable demonic smell. I don't trust him.

He spoke slowly while rummaging around in an untidy mountain of books sprawled across an old oak desk. "What you want is a Kelara. It's a derivative of a Native American meditation spell used by tribal wise men to enter the dreams of their warriors and…encourage them, so to speak. Mentally prepare them for battle with the enemy tribes by manipulating the dreams into visions of them winning in combat. Most of the strongest Native fighters volunteered to be placed under this…hypnotism. Very effective. Nowadays though it's mostly used by divorce lawyers to encourage infidelity. More business for them, you know." The last sentence was meant as a gesture of humour but I wasn't buying. My icy disposition hasn't put him off though. "Get a lot of lovesick teenagers looking for prom dates too. You a lawyer?" I stare at him blankly. "No? You don't look like a schoolboy. Who are you using this on then?"

I don't answer. He makes his smile obvious this time.

"How does it work?"

"Have you had any physical contact with her before" He stops looking through the books and picks up one. An ancient looking leather-bound journal. "Who said that it's a her" I respond calmly, not wanting to give up my unhonourable intentions. He looks to me, making eye contact. A sympathetic look comes across his face. "It's always a her." He begins to shuffle towards me, his slippers dragging on the worn carpet. "Besides, everyone knows about you and the slayer" he states casually.

"You'll need some of her blood. This won't be a problem for you though because I know you drank from her." Even though I have no body heat I feel my face flush with embarrassment and my hands somehow find their way into the pockets of my black duster.

"There were…circumstances. I wasn't myself. I would never have…" Doc interrupts with a wave of his pale hand. "I'm not here to judge," he tells me, handing me the book. "Last time I checked, vampires don't digest quickly. And slayers blood? That's strong. Probably be in your system for years." The old demon stares at me intently for a few moments, as if in a trance. I blink and he jumps, shaking his head slightly as he looks down at the book. "The spell's in there. Page two-thirty. After pet resurrection." I give him a questioning look. "Native American tribes sometimes ran short of horses after battles. I don't think I need to explain what they used that spell for" He turns from me and moves towards the door. "You'll need a picture of her. Set it in a clay bowl and pour some of your own blood over it. Burn some form of lavender; I'd suggest candles – magical sleeping properties, you know. Isn't just an old wives tale. Recite the incantation and go straight to sleep." He opens the door and gestures for me to leave. I walk slowly towards him. "That's it?" I ask. "That's it." He answers.

I walk out the door and back into the damp, barely lit street. Even though I move away quickly, I can't help but stop when he makes that ever-familiar statement: "Remember, all magics have repercussions." I shake it off and head towards the magic shop without looking back.

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The old demon closes the door and heads over to another identical door on the far side of his small crowded apartment. He opens it and cautiously walks out into an alley. The red brick walls are illuminated by a single streetlight and the only object visible is a dumpster. A badly dressed man sits on it, his legs hanging over the edge and his head bent down as he fiddles with something in his hands. He looks up enquiringly as the old demon approaches him.

"_I gave him the spell" doc tells him, trying not to get too close to the man who had threatened him not even an hour ago. _

"_Good. Now I won't have to kill you" the man slurs back cheerily, his obvious Irish accent echoes through the alley. He tosses the object he's holding to the terrified demon and hops off the dumpster. Doc looks down at the talisman in his hand and watches as his aggressor begins to stagger slowly towards the main street. He doesn't get far before he falls against the wall and slumps to the ground, lost in his drunken sleep._

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As I stare at the photograph I'm holding I can't help but smile warmly. She stares back at me, her eyes glowing, her smile shy yet playful. I remember the day I took these. Nine days before we made love. During one of our (very rare) senseless conversations I had told her that I had never used a camera before. She had asked why and I told her that I'd never had anything to take pictures of. I thought they were pointless.

She bounced into my apartment the next day holding a small silver contraption and a handful of rolls of film. She snapped it in my face, almost blinding me with the flash. I told her that there was no point in taking pictures of me, as vampires have no image, no mirror reflection. Disappointment was evident in her eyes, but she stood up straight, smiled and declared "I'm gonna catch some Kodak moments anyway!" We spent hours messing about in my apartment, taking photos of each other, kissing and talking about the "meaningful stuff" as she calls it.

A few days later I had just woken up for the night when I saw a parcel sitting in the chair near my apartment door. In it I found a smooth red hardback folder. As I opened it I realised it was a photo album. The images of that day lay before me; imprinted on paper, mine to keep for all eternity. She was in every photo - laughing, smiling, looking at me in that way she does. I took my time looking through it, memorising every millimetre of every picture. This was the best gift I'd ever had. As I reached the final page my breathless body couldn't help but gasp in surprise – there, sitting on my bed, wearing my clothes, sat a man I didn't recognise. He smiled at the camera, a little embarrassed.

Underneath the photo there was a small paragraph written in Buffy's handwriting:

_Angel. _

_No image? I think you have a beautiful image. Who needs a moment in a mirror? These pictures can last forever. I'll treasure that day. I hope you will too. It's never pointless. _

Love Buffy XXX 

God, I miss her.

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I place the photo I'm holding into the clay bowl in front of me. The woman at the magic shop told me it was 17th century Spanish. Does it matter?

The smell of lavender takes over the room as the candles slowly start to burn. I sit on my bed and hold the small penknife in my right hand dragging the sharp edge of the blade along my left palm. Pain stings through my hand momentarily but passes as I begin to squeeze it. The blood drips from my fingers onto the picture of my love. The thick, deep-red liquid runs across the photo and into the bowl, sinking into the decorated tan clay. I pick the bowl up and settle it on my bedside table, the open spell journal replacing it on the bed. I read over the chant once as I wrap my bloody hand with a bandage. I close the book and throw it to the floor, laying back and making myself comfortable. Then it hits me. What am I doing? I can't just invade her dreams. It was morally wrong and, as Buffy herself would put it, 'icky'. Was she becoming an obsession? I remember Drusilla, the things I did to her and I feel my body shaking. I can't hurt Buffy like that again. Angelus almost ruined her. Would my selfish actions, my need to be with her, harm her?

No. No. Never. She didn't want me too leave her. She still cries every night. She can't sleep without me. She can't live without me. I can't live without her.

I can feel myself falling. The room has become a blur and the scent of her is overpowering. As I begin to drift off I quietly whisper words to myself. Words of an ancient unknown language, their meaning unclear, their purpose unjustifiable:

_Into the visions, I shall be your guide_

_As the world falls away, you lay with me_

Heed my calls, my words are countless 

_My every movement you soul shall follow_

_Body to body mind to mind heart to heart soul to soul_

_Body to body mind to mind heart to heart soul to soul_

_Body to body mind to mind heart to heart soul to soul _

_Body to body mind to mind heart to heart…_

"Buffy…?"

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Ooooohhhh! Did it work? Review if you wanna find out! Update may take a couple of days though. Lets pretend, hypothetically of course, that it did work. What would you reviewers like to see in a Buffy/Angel dream sequence? Remember that our man has full control over it! Any ideas for the fic are greatly appreciated. Write what the readers wanna read! BUT NO SPIKE! Wish I could dream walk…oh, the potential! Thanks for reading!


	3. Dream A Little Dream Of Me

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW!

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!"

A/N 2: This chapter is mostly Angels POV. The last paragraph is Buffys. I know I said in Chappie 1 that this was gonna be an Angel POV story it's gonna be a Buffy POV story too.

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Two - Dream A Little Dream Of Me 

"Buffy?"

I open my eyes slowly, stunned by the sudden flood of light. My eyes take a moment to adjust and then I panic, realising that I'm in direct sunlight. The worry fades quickly when I remember exactly what's going on. It's all a dream.

I survey my surroundings - a green meadow surrounded by trees, yet they cast very little shadow. The grass, a vivid shade of green is speckled with hundreds of little flowers, all the colours of the rainbow. I look over to the trees and spy a small trail of smoke coming from above them. My still-beating heart jumps in my chest. I know this place. This was my favourite place in the world. When I was a boy, before I was turned, I used to spend hours here with my sister Kathy. We would play chase and pick flowers to bring home to my mother. She would light a fire and when we saw the smoke we knew it was time to go home. I loved this place. That was though, until I discovered my liking for drink and women. Until my mortal life went off the rails. I haven't thought about this place in two hundred and thirty years.

I look down at myself for a moment. My bloody hand is throbbing. I spend a second tightening my bandage before thinking, "If I can manipulate this dream can't I just…" I look back down at my hand and the bandage is gone. I'm fine. I glance around the field again, wondering where you are. I want you here.

Then I see you. You're sitting in the long grass near the back of the meadow. You look stunning. You're wearing a flowing summer dress; white, with flecks of pink and yellow, only visible when the gentle breeze ripples across the surface of the smooth material. You pull your knees up to your chest, your toes grazing against the grass as your feet slowly move closer to you. You're smiling. A warm smile. A happy smile. You haven't noticed me yet; if you have you're showing no sign. Your eyes are just studying the bright afternoon sky. I can't believe how beautiful you look with the daylight shining down on your face, the sunbeams dancing through your wavy golden hair. I can't help but grin as I walk unhurriedly towards you, my bare feet being tickled by the grass. Then you see me. I watch as you stand, gazing at me. As I reach you, you open your arms to me and I walk into your embrace, your small arms wrapping round my neck. We hold each other tightly "You came?" The words roll off your lips, a question that needs no answer. "I'm here. I'm gonna be here all night."

You let go of me after a while and take hold of my hands. "I'm glad. You keep the monsters away." Staring into my eyes your smile fades. "Just for tonight?" you ask, disappointment sounding in your voice. "Every night. I'm yours. Forever." The smile reappears.

"Forever. That's the whole point."

You let go of my left hand and pull my right a little, a gesture telling me that you want to walk with me. "You look pretty good in sunlight," you state, never taking your eyes off me as we stroll across the pasture. "A little pale though." That last part comes out a laugh and you hug my arm when I fake a pout.

"Where are we?" you ask me curiously, the setting being unfamiliar to you.

"Galway. My home when I was alive"

"You always said you'd bring me to Ireland one day." I quietly muse over what you just said, a little sad to know that this is only a dream. But then again, in dreams we can do whatever we want. Fulfil ever promise. Live out any fantasy. The enormity of what we could do hit me like a truck, stopping me in my tracks, my head spinning with possibilities. "Angel? Are you ok?" I glance down at you, only to find you staring intently at me, worry flashing across your eyes. "I was just thinking…" I pause to choose the correct words "…we should go to Disneyland tomorrow."

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We talk for hours. I tell you stories of my childhood, the games Kathy and I used to play in this very field. You listen attentively to my every word, interrupting now and again to ask a question or tell me a story about some of the similar things that you did as a child. Our lives finally relating in ways that didn't involve death, demons or darkness. We lie together, holding each other under the smouldering sun as I tell you about my parents; my father, always fair but never loving, and my mother, her gentle nature and constant patience with her troublesome son. "It must have really hurt her when you died" you prop yourself up using your right elbow, your brows furrowed as you gaze into my eyes. "Not as much as I hurt her when I died" I state quietly, looking away from you. I'm ashamed of what I did.

You reach over and touch my face turning my head back round to look at you. "That wasn't you. It's not your fault that your body has two separate beings living inside it. You're not Angelus. Trust me, I know. You're Angel."

"I was Angelus first."

"No, you were… uh… you had the soul first. You were Angel minus the guilt coupons. And, just out of curiosity, did Angel minus guilt have a name? Two and a half years and I've never picked up on your real name." I smirk at you, grateful for the subject change. "Liam" I tell you. You look upwards and your mouth scrunches up a little at the edges, as if you're considering whether or not it's the right answer. "Liam," you repeat my name slowly. "It's a bit scruffy, isn't it?" You smile at me mischievously, looking for a fight. When my only response is a small chuckle you try again. "Liam what?"

"O'Carroll" I tell you, and quickly regret it when you put on the worst Irish accent I've heard in my unnaturally long life: "Top o' the morning to ya, Liam O'Carroll! How's Saint Paddy?" I grab you playfully and begin to tickle your sides. As you double up with laughter I can't help myself as I fall into hysterics. "That was the worst accent I've ever heard!" you continue to giggle. "I'm Buffy O'Carroll! Let's drink Guinness!" I stop laughing immediately and stare at you. Buffy O'Carroll? That would have been your name if we… Your laughing slows as you notice my seriousness. "What?" you enquire breathlessly. I bend over and kiss you softly. When I move back I see you smiling slightly. As I go to kiss you again you reaches up your hand and push me away. Puzzled, I look at you sheepishly. You're wearing a wicked grin. "You're gonna have to work for this one!"

I watch as you get up and take off, running across the meadow as fast as your slayer speed can carry you, your dress waving in the wind. When you reach the other side you turn round and signal me to come get you. I get up quickly and launch myself at you, sprinting as speedily as I can, desperate for another kiss. As I near you, you dart in the other direction. The game is on! You head towards the edge of the field and hide behind a large elm tree. I slow myself and creep around the side of the tree, but before I have time to grab you, you jump out, run into the middle of the grass and stop, linking your hands behind your back and smiling sweetly. The 'I'm innocent' guise. I jog towards you again, waiting for you to move but you stand still. When I get to you, you lean in and kiss me gently.

"Got tired of running."

I envelop my arms around you and enclose your lips in a sweet embrace. You respond eagerly, running your hands through my hair, our tongues stroking tenderly. We break apart, our foreheads leaning against each other, and I hear you whisper "Make love to me."

I move my hands down and lift your dress up until the hem reaches your waist. You raise your arms and I lift it over your head, dropping it to the ground. We begin to kiss again, your hands unbuttoning my black silk shirt as I caress your now naked body. You escape from my kiss to bow down and lick my bare chest. I unbuckle my belt and you push my pants down. I step out of them and we sink to the ground, all thoughts of our recent playfulness pushed aside to allow room for a desire that has lingered between us for as long as we've known each other. Passion builds until all I can see is you. All I can feel is the smoothness of your hands running across me, your skin warm and wet against mine. All I can hear is your breath; sighing, moaning, murmuring my name in rhythm with your pounding heartbeat. All I can smell is that familiar strawberry scent that you carry mixed with the aroma of the wildflowers surrounding us. I could feel myself flying. My one hope of perfect happiness came to me. My dreams came true as we made love under the burning sun in the cherished home of all my childhood dreams.

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The sun was setting on us as we lay amongst the flowers, naked, our bodies entwined. "I love you." You declare those three words that make me want to be a better person. "I love you. Words could never express how much." I reply. "You don't need words. You definitely just showed me how much you love me" you tell me lazily, humour in your voice. I smile to myself and place a delicate kiss on your head. "Wanna show me again?" you ask seductively as you begin to stroke your hand across my stomach. "I' d be happy to." I take hold of your chin and tilt your head up to me. Just as I'm about to begin a voice breaks our reverie.

"Liam! Liam! It's time to go! Mother's calling for us, can't you see!" I look up and my heart swells as I see my Kathy standing at the edge of the clearing, an urgent look on her young face. "I'll just be a minute. You go on ahead," I call back to her, never taking my eyes off her as she scampers off in the direction of the smoke signalling from the top of the trees. "She's beautiful" I gaze towards you and see you watching my little sister retreat in the other direction. "Did we just scar her for life. Y'know, with her brother and the nudity?" She looks at me quickly, anxiously. I'm touched by her concern. "I don't think we need to worry about that." I speak quietly, sadness taking me over. I think about my sister and her brief life, but my heartache is mostly because it's time for us to part for another day. "I have to go now." I watch as you react to this, a little hurt. "You'll be back?" The tone of your voice is hopeful yet questioning as I get up and pull on my pants. "Next time the sun sets." I finish getting dressed and drop to my knees. You lean up to meet me and our lips brush, electricity passing between them. I stand back up and walk in the direction that my Kathy went. Just before I reach the trees I turn round and see you staring at me, a satisfied smile on your face.

"Buffy?" I call to you.

"Yeah"

"Have an early night tomorrow"

As I walk away I hear the sweet sounds of your laughter like music to my dead ears.

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My whole body takes a moment to awaken. I stretch as far as I can before opening my eyes, still overcome by that warm contented feeling that I had laying in your arms. The sight of my ceiling is an unwelcome reminder of the real world. Back to my unlife. Actually, no. Now I have daydreams to work on. Our nights together have so much potential. I have plans to make for our next date. I can't wait til sundown.

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I feel myself stirring but I still try to sink back into sleep. That was one heck of a dream! It felt so real. My body feels like he's still here with me. Uh, it's no use. Ok, I'm awake. Gotta get up. Have to go to class. The dream still flows around my head and takes up all my thoughts as I stretch out. I sit up slowly and rub my eyes a little before opening them. Looking round to see if Willow's up yet I find her staring at me, annoyed, but with a knowing smirk playing across her lips.

"Do you always make that noise when you sleep?"

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That's it: Chapter 3! This took me ages! Thanks to the gorgeous peeps that reviewed the last couple of chapters but if the rest of you guys wanna see some more quickly I'm gonna need a few more reviews! Reviews encourage me to concentrate harder and type faster! Next chapter is Buffy POV.

PS Look out for my Buffy/Joyce "An Honest Conversation" series, starting in the next couple of weeks. Set during the summer between BtVS Seasons 4 and 5, Buffy and her mom bond and talk love, sex, relationships and friendships (I have a love of the Buffy-Joyce chitchat!).

Thanks for reading! X


	4. Behind These Hazel Eyes

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW!

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!"

A/N 2: This chapter is Buffys POV. Got the Chapter title from the Kelly Clarkson song. Think it fits. If you've heard it you'll get it but I'm not writing it down coz this isn't a songfic. Yet… (there's a song I'm contemplating using, depending on which way the fic goes.)

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Four - Behind These Hazel Eyes 

"I wish this would stop happening to me. I wish he would just stay out of my head. I feel like he's haunting me. I just wanna get on with my life. He's gone. I get it. For a while I thought he might be taking it as hard as me. I thought he might come back. He didn't. Now he's living in my dreams. REALLY living, like, 'lets go picnic on the beach and I won't be able to light the barbecue using my handy self-combusting skills' living. I can't believe the dream I had last night. I dream about him every night but my imagination was running way overtime. His sister? That's just weird. We take psych 101 now. Let's play a game of analyse me."

I'm ranting again. Dammit jeans, fit! I think I'm losing weight. Must be all the dream sexercise.

"Buffy, calm down ok. It was just a dream. I have weird dreams too. Like, this one time, I had a dream about a band camp and there was this whole thing with a flute that…I really don't think we should get into and anyway you're having sexy funky dreams bout Angel again, huh? Must make the sleep less boring."

Willow stopped babbling, pulled on her "Don't Call Me Sabrina" tee and flopped back down onto her bed.

"It's just…this was so…I swear to god, I woke up and I could feel him. Like he was right there. I mean, even the dream. When we were…y'know…I could feel everything."

I stalked over to my bed and dropped onto the floor in front of it, crossing my legs and fiddling with my bracelet.

"Ok, number one: too much information. Number two: it was just a dream. Number three: when you say 'feel everything' what exactly do you mean." She sat up and grinned, staring at me attentively.

"I mean everything. I woke up a very happy Buffy."

"Very happy? Like…_happy_, happy?"

"If I was a boy I'd be making up lame excuses to wash my sheets."

"Oh. Wow. I mean I've had sexy dreams before but I've never got…sheet change happy. I tend to need a little more than a dream to do that. Was that too much information?" She sat up, scrunched up her nose and looked at me half enquiringly, half apologetic.

"No, the flute thing was too much information. Save that stuff for Xander."

I pushed myself up from the floor and walked over to my closet. Pulling on a white sweater over my yellow sports vest, I made my way over to Wills bed, sitting on the edge near her feet.

"I just…I miss him. I still miss him. Is that why I keep dreaming about him? I try not to talk about him coz it hurts. I try not to think about him but I can't stop. I don't wanna feel this way. I know I have to move on but why is it so hard? Like, take that guy, Parker. He asked me out. He's sweet and funny and good-looking in a 'Dawson's' sorta way. And I want nothing to do with him. I wanna get up, go to classes, slay, come home and mope myself into another Angel dream"

"No wonder! They sound pretty damn…bad. Really bad. We just need to get you into a different frame of mind. Get you a hobby or a job or something."

She knows as well as I do that she's pulling at straws here.

"I have a job. Which is kinda also my hobby. What I need is…I dunno. To see him again. Just once. He left without saying goodbye. Maybe I need closure or something. It ended so suddenly that perhaps I wasn't ready for it."

I slide down onto the floor, out of Willows view and pull the necklace out from underneath my top. I grip the ring hanging from the thin silver chain without looking at it. He said he loved me. I love him so much that I can't contemplate what it's like NOT to love him. Have I loved him all my life, because I can't remember a time when I didn't have these feelings coursing through me. Taking over my every thought. Controlling everything I do; how I act. I'm crazy about him. Why wasn't that enough for him?

I gaze down at the ring. That one thought keeps messing with my mind. Was it me? Was I not enough for him? Could I have done more? Even if I wasn't the perfect girlfriend, our relationship wasn't exactly conventional. But I was ok with that. He wasn't. He didn't want me. In the end that's all it was. He didn't want me. My stomach flips and I think I'm gonna be sick.

"Buff? You alright down there?" I sense Willow moving behind me and I try to shake the nausea off.

"Maybe I keep dreaming about him because I'm worried. I don't know where he is, what he's doing, if he's even ok. He left me with nothing Willow. Nothing but a bunch of memories. Not even a picture or a letter or anything that I can…"

And here it comes. I feel the lone warm drop glide down my right cheek. The floodgates behind my eyes start to open and I squeeze them shut, silently begging the tears to leave me alone for one day. Let me have twenty-four hours without breaking my heart again.

"Oh, Buffy!"

I'm aware of my best friends arms wrapping around me, pulling me towards her, grasping me as tight as she can.

"It's ok. If you need to cry, then cry, otherwise it's all bottled up and that's bad." She starts babbling again, unsure of what to do.

I let go. I can't help it. My body jerks as I sob, the tears running freely. I cling to her. I hear a faint click in the distance but I'm too far-gone to care. I need this. I need someone else to know about the weight I've been carrying around on my heart since the one person that I loved the most in my life left me. I never thought I could feel that way about anyone. I wanted to give up everything and leave him that day, but I didn't know where he went. I would have gone after him. My mom, my friends - I don't need them like I need him. I didn't think he would go. But I had to watch him walk away from me. He did this! He hurt me! Why can't I just hate him?

I feel a hand running across my hair. Too big to be Willow's. A second pair of arms go around me and I smell the familiar aroma of Cheetos and coffee. I lean into Xander and try to forget. Exhaustion takes over me and my crying slows. Invisible drums start to pound in my head. Great. I've bawled myself into an aneurysm.

"Come on Summers. I washed this shirt last night. It doesn't need another once over." "Yeah right, Xand. You stink of Cheetos." My friends' voices break my trance and I can't help but smile a little. Now that I don't have Angel, what would I do without these two?

"Was that a smile? Will, I think she's comin round. Cut the waterworks and I might even give you a preview of this years Christmas Snoopy Dance." Xander teases and I feel myself physically calming down.

"I'd rather see your dance routine from the fabulous 'Ladies Night Inn'"

"Yeah, now you're exploiting my friendship."

"Is that a yes?"

"No power on this earth, remember." I sit up and open my eyes for the first time since I started 'blubfest 99'. I look at my two closest friends, sitting right beside me wearing their sympathy faces, holding my hands when I need them. What the hell am I doing?

"You gonna be ok?" Will runs her fingers through my hair.

"Got my two best buds. Why wouldn't I be?" I sniff and she pulls me into an embrace.

Oh no.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" She must feel my body stiffen as I push her away.

"We're gonna die." I say simply, panic rushing through me." She looks at me questioningly.

"We're late for Walsh's class!"

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June 1999 

I sit on the edge of my bed and stare at the floor. My whole body trembles but I can cry no longer. I can't believe he's gone. It's been four blurry days since he left. The bitter dark night seems so uninviting since he left me to brave it alone. Why go out into his world if he's not living there anymore? I glance out the window and the stars seem to beckon. The prospect of a whole new world seems inviting. Why is this so painful?

I went out on patrol tonight. The first time since graduation. This newbie vamp jumped me in Weatherly Park. And I let him. Somehow my body didn't have the strength to fight back.

If I was turned would he have me then? Could we be together? I wouldn't be able to have a marriage or a family or a tan or four golden retrievers running around my yard with the white picket fence. I'd be like him. He couldn't deny me. We could be together forever.

Forever. That's the whole point.

I don't know what happened to the vamp. Just as his fangs grazed my neck he disintegrated. Dust. It wasn't me. Mr Pointy was snuggled in my belt. I looked around. It wasn't anyone.

"Why can't you just let me be!" I screamed into the sky, my throat immediately hurting from the force of my voice. "You expect me to give and give but you can't let me be happy! You wouldn't make him stay! Why wouldn't you make him stay!" I fell to my knees and wept. I don't know how long I as there or how I managed to get home. Now I'm here, sitting on my bed, staring at the carpet as though it can give me all the answers I need.

I get up and shuffle into the bathroom. The coolness of the water hits me in the face and I rub my eyes before looking at myself in the mirror. I look good. My hair is perfect. My green tee complements my black cargo pants. But my eyes. Red and swollen, I see a sureness in them. I swing opened the mirrored medicine cabinet and reach for the aspirin to numb the pressure in my head. Then I saw them.

My mom had hurt her back at work. She said the pain was unbelievable so he gave her a prescription of the strongest painkillers he had. She took one and refused to take anymore on account of "the dancing pink elephants" that she saw for a week. They were powerful. I grab them off the shelf and twist open the cap before taking one out. I throw it back my throat and swallow, waiting for the pain to go. Nothing happens so I take another. And another. And another. I keep going til the bottle is empty. It still hurts. Why does it still…

My thoughts stray as my legs turn to jelly. I feel myself slump to the floor; my back against the wall beside the sink but my vision goes fuzzy until I can't make out where I am. But it still hurts.

"Buffy? Honey? Are you…" my moms voice penetrates the clouds around me, her shadow looming over me as I feel myself falling further.

"Oh God! Oh no! Buffy, what have you done?" I can just make out the panic in her voice.

She prises the little bottle out of my hand and cries out, a painful sharp sound that only a mother could make on finding her daughter dodging consciousness on the bathroom floor of the family home.

Her arms throw me over but everything seems to be happening in slow motion. I try to reason with her but the only word that comes out is "Angel."

She vanishes for a moment (I think it was a moment) before returning, only to jam open my mouth and pour a foul tasting liquid down my throat. I gag and try to spit it out but I have to swallow it. My mom picks me up and hangs me over the edge of the bathtub. I choke, half in surprise and half in pain as she pushes her fingers into my mouth and back my throat. A familiar urge goes through me and I feel the warm liquid slide up the inside of my neck. My moms other hand starts rubbing my back violently and I hear her talking, her voice broken and unsteady.

"It's ok baby, get it all out. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine."

I think I must have vomited up everything I've eaten since I was twelve. After a while, when I have nothing left in me, she drags me back down to the floor, holding me like it's the last time she'd ever see me.

"My beautiful baby girl." She's crying. Her heart's breaking just like mine. "Why? You should have talked to me. I could have helped you."

I owe her an answer. "It hurts so much. It won't go away. I just wanted the pain to go away." I sob into her jacket and she begins to rock me in her arms.

"This isn't the way. Time heals baby. I'm here for you. You never needed to do that. You'll never need to do that. I know the pain seems unbearable just now but give it time. You love him and he's gone but this isn't the way. Please be strong, honey." She's shaking. "Please be strong for me. I couldn't breathe if I didn't have you"

There on the bathroom floor, in my mothers' arms and a haze of drugs, I make a promise. I'll survive. I'll survive for my mom. I need to get through this. The strength to carry on is something that everyone has. I just have to dig down deep to find out if I have any strength left.

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"Suicidal thoughts." I regain focus as Walsh's voice echoes through the lecture hall. "A lot of people have them. Some will act on them. Some spend days, weeks even, planning their demise. Some people do it on a whim. Some people do it without even realising. Life becomes too much too quickly and they take one to many pills from the bottle. Be careful with your life. In the end, it's all you've got. Class dismissed."

The second Walsh started talking suicide my mind drifted back to my little accident at the start of the summer. When we got back from the hospital my mom was so good to me. She listened for once. The doctor wanted me to go see a shrink or something but neither of us wanted that. I knew what my problem was. Then one day last month, when I got a headache after a pretty nasty fight with some wannabe gangster vamp, I went to get some aspirin and the medicine cabinet was empty. Totally bare. I asked her if she had any and she broke down. We haven't talked about it since. I didn't tell any of the gang – they would just overreact. It was an accident. I didn't mean it. I think.

I wonder if it'll happen again tonight. The dreams. I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take. If they keep happening I'm gonna have to do something about them. For my own sake. Maybe Willow'll have a spell or something.

As I enter the Grotto a man walks right into me.

"Oh, sorry love. Didn't mean to get in your way." His strong Irish voice is the first thing I notice. The stench of whisky is the second.

"It's fine. I'm fine," I tell him backing away. He tilts his hat and walks – staggers – up the stairs. Maybe I need some of that in my coffee. Then I wouldn't sleep for a week. For now though, I guess I'll just have to settle for a mocha.

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To my wonderful reviewers: you all kick ass! Thanks for putting a smile on this young Scottish chicks face!

mysticallove – The Riley bashing is coming…hehehe!

deadbeatsoul – There's a problem. There's a big problem…"Remember, all magics have repercussions"

PunkRokPixie – I don't hate Spike. Or at least I didn't til he tried to rape our girl. I just have serious issues with the idea that she could love someone that tried to rape her. Conclusion: she didn't REALLY love him, as shown in the last few minutes of the final episode when she didn't object to him saying "No you don't." if I was in her position and I did love the guy I would make sure he knew it. REALLY knew it. Sorry, getting a little riled up here! Each to their own! Thanks for the question!

Next chapter we're heading back into dreamland with a Buffy POV!

Thanks for reading! X


	5. Lessons In Love

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW!

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" And I got the psych class dream idea from "Hush" (but hey, who hasn't had a sexy dream about 'getting your groove on' in class? Eh…not that I've ever had one of those!). Of course, I made it a whole lot better by omitting the loser farm boy (no offence to all you Iowa peeps out there) from the sexy proceedings.

A/N 2: This chapter is Buffys POV. I'm dedicating this chapter to mysticallove for her **_fabulous_** idea of the shirtless Angel with the leather pants…I think I just drooled on my laptop. There's some brief Riley bashing but there will be no Cordelia bashing coz there will be no Cordelia! Her non-fling with Angel has gained her way too much unnecessary publicity. Hate Cordelia! I still love Charisma though! She rocks!

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Five - Lessons In Love 

"Mmm…" the sound escapes my lips as I awaken. I can't help but grin. I drank five coffees to avoid going to sleep last night but I'm so glad I did. That was something else. I can't believe he…! My body's tingling, stronger than yesterday morning. I don't think I've ever felt this relaxed in my life. I move a little and an urge burns between my legs. I lift my head up slightly and glance over to Willows bed. Empty. She must have stayed with Oz last night. Good. The urge starts to grow and I laugh to myself. I used to get this longing all the time before Angel and I first…before I was brave enough to make a real move on him. Well, there was only one solution then, which means there's only one solution now. I close my eyes and smile as I run my hands down my body and under the waistline of my sweats, visions of last nights dream fresh in my mind…

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"Images of the subconscious." Maggie Walsh strolls around the stage of the lecture hall as she addresses her students. "We all daydream. Our mind wanders away to places that seem that little bit more exciting or interesting than where we are just now."

"Damn right!" an unknown voice bellows from the back of the room and a surge of laughter emits from the class. "Yes, of course," the professor heaves a sigh and continues, "Daydreams most often tend to be fantasies and a recent series of studies tell us that for people aged 16-30 these fantasies are most frequently sexual." Damn right, I think to myself. Angel in leather pants. Angel in tight leather pants. Angel in tight leather pants that leave little to the imagination, gripping his ass as he walks…and he's not wearing a shirt! That tattoo is soooooo hot! And his chest! I just wanna lick him all over…

"Then why don't you?"

I snap out of my daydream (_Maggie was so right)_ and look towards the voice. Oh. My. God. Angel in tight lea…you get the picture. I think my jaw just hit the floor.

"What are you doing here?" my eyes fly between him and all the other people in the classroom, a little embarrassed by the half naked man standing over me.

"They don't care." He smirks down at me as I realise that my classmates aren't paying attention to either of us. Suddenly I'm very aware of the shirtless Angel. In those pants. Did I mention, oh my god!

"What? How? Are they under a spell?" I stammer, still a little unsure of the situation.

"You're dreaming," he states simply, the smirk still playing across his lips. "And that means you can do whatever you want and they won't care."

"My dream of public Riverdance is finally realised" I giggle nervously as Angel slowly steps away from me and makes his way down to the front of the class, perching on the edge of the professors' desk. He looks up at me and gestures for me to come to him. I gaze around the class before getting up hesitantly. I continue to look around the room as I descend down the steps, reaching him after a moment. I smile at him shyly and he responds by reaching his hand up to hold the back of my neck, pulling me towards him and into a passionate kiss. I respond fervently, my hands grazing his bare chest, his fingers tangling in my hair. He reaches down to lift off my blouse and I break the kiss.

"We can't!" I catch my breath as I step back from him "Everyone's watching!"

"I don't care." He grabbed me by the hips and lifted me up, practically throwing me on the desk so that I'm lying back. "And neither will you in a minute." With that, he undid the button and zipper on his pants, sliding them off and revealing himself to me and, apparently, the entire class. I shoot a look at the class and realise that they aren't looking. One guy's even playing around with a Gameboy. Walsh is still pacing about, discussing something about sleepwalking. I feel a smile creep across my lips. I sit up and reach over, grab him by the hand and yank him towards me. As our lips meet again all my concerns over our spectators vanish and I let myself go with the flow.

He hitches up my skirt (wasn't I wearing pants?) and I hold myself up a little so he can rip off my underwear. I can feel him pressing hard against the inside of my right thigh. I wrap my legs around his waist and draw him into me. His first thrust is forceful, and I sigh gratefully as the sensations begin to flow through me. He pauses for a second, stopping just to look at me. He touches my cheek gently with his left hand and I gaze into his eyes. His pupils are dilated. He kisses my lips roughly before lowering his head down to nibble on my neck. He thrusts again continuing at a steady pace and I lean my head back and close my eyes, the building tension within me already becoming too much. I grip the edge of the desk and lie back, using my legs to haul him down on top of me. I roll us over so that I'm on top, in control and I slow our movements, grinding into him, my sighs becoming moans as I feel myself falling over the edge. He grabs my ass and pulls me closer to him, burying himself inside me as far as possible. I let out a cry as my body convulses, intense pleasure surging through me. I hear him growl, a primitive sound roaring from within him and I'm taken over by the raw animalistic impulses that have been lying dormant in me for too long. I speed up my actions, rocking back and forth as fast as my hips will let me. As I peak for a second time I lose all sense of anything but me and the lover laying between my thighs.

Seconds, minutes, maybe hours later as I drift back into awareness, I can feel him, still settled inside me. We're sitting up, him on the edge of the desk and me straddling his waist. His arms are wrapped around me, his head's resting on my shoulder. He stares up at me.

"I have to go for a minute." He tells me quietly

"Ok" I respond, a little disappointed that he's leaving already.

He stands up, still holding me, and turns around, settling me on the desk. As he pulls out of me I suddenly feel so empty and I already hunger for him, longing to have him within me again. He moves away from me gradually, walking to the door of the hall. I watch his naked form - sooo sexy - retreat and he glances back at me briefly. "I won't be long." I smile at him and he smiles back before leaving me alone in the room. Wait a second…

I swiftly remember all the other students. They're all staring at me. I hop of the desk, brush myself down and fix my hair. My face flushes with embarrassment.

"Thank you, Miss Summers for that wonderful demonstration of the fantasies of people in the 16-30 age bracket. This concludes my theory that people of your age tend to dream about sex more than anything else." Walsh approaches me and lays a hand on my shoulder. "Well done!"

"May I use your example in a thesis I'm writing on this topic" The weirdo TA Riley, the one with the stupid voice and the floppy hair that you just wanna take a chainsaw to, approaches me and poses a question.

"You wanna write about me and Angel having sex on your bosses desk!" That's possibly the most invasive thing I've ever been asked.

"Yes. You seemed to really enjoy it. And by the way, he's a lot bigger than me. I'm sure you know what I mean." The farm boy stares at me. "Can I write it?" he looks at me eagerly. He looks so dumb that I feel kinda sorry for him(_loser_) and agree.

"Uh…sure. Does this mean I pass"

Walsh removes her hand from my shoulder. "I don't think so. Remember, this is a dream."

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He came back with flowers for me. He said something outside woke him up. He more than made up for his short absence though - we went to the beach. He looked so incredible with the water running down his skin. So I did what he asked. Who'd have thought Mr Broody would enjoy being licked all over…?

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Hey guys! Slight change of plans after my FANTASTIC weekend involving a spur of the moment party and a Johnny Depp look-alike. Oh yeah! I'll be dreaming about him for a while…! Anyways, didn't have time to finish Chapter 7 so Chapters 5 & 6 are up today, 7 is up on Friday and 8 and 9 are up on Sunday.

Thanks for reading! X


	6. A Walk In The Park

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. And she's lovin it! If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW!

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?"

A/N 2: This chapter is Angels POV. It's set almost two months after chapter 4.

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter 6 - A Walk In The Park 

I arise to the sound of the garbage truck hissing outside my bedroom (if you could call it that) window. I don't care - nothing could spoil my cheerfulness as I get up to heat a blood bag. Even Angelus is content. He usually spends the mornings screaming random obscenities in my head (_take a walk in the sunshine! See how much it fucking burns you pathetic waste of my space!)_. I haven't heard a bad word from him all morning. In fact, he's purring like a kitten.

Last night we stayed in. Well, when I say stayed in, I mean in a five star Parisian hotel. We ate strawberries and drank Champagne before making love in the hot tub and out on the balcony facing the Eiffel Tower at sunrise. She loves the sunrise.

"I love the sunrise, but only with you. I don't think it could ever mean as much to me with someone else."

That's what she told me last week in Venice as we lay in bed, the sheets tangled around us and our bodies laden with exhaustion. It's been almost two months since I started to initiate our unconscious trysts but it feels like we've been together forever. All the places we've been and all the things we've done. We've walked along the River Nile hand in hand, the sun high above our heads. We've rode horseback across the western USA deserts. We even went swimming at a water park.

It's not just about the physical side of the relationship anymore. We date. It's romantic and loving. We have fun. We connect in so many more ways than we ever have before. More and more I realise what an incredible woman she really is. More and more I grow determined that someday all that we dream about is going to become reality. Right now it feels so real. Every night we're together.

But we're not.

It's that one fact that stops my soul from slipping away into oblivion, stops Angelus returning.

Tonight I'm going to take her to…Vermont. Yeah, Vermont. We can ski. She'll love the snow. She hasn't had much experience with snow, except that one night when the First tried to get me to kill myself so I wouldn't hurt her. I hurt her anyway.

I pause for a moment and contemplate over that. I shake it off. I'm making her happy now, aren't I?

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A few nights later… 

We're driving along a small dirt track. Trees stand tall and wide around us, the sunlight slipping through the gaps between the leaves. She wanted to go out for a drive today. I know because I've been following her around for ideas. She hasn't seen me yet and she never will. I'll never let her know I'm still shadowing her. She was talking to Willow in the coffee shop, something about some guy asking to take her out for a drive. Good luck beating this one buddy. You'll never give her what I do. You'll never pleasure her like I do. Any guy that goes near her, I'm always gonna be there. She'll be fantasising about me every time. I can guarantee it.

We continue to drive in silence until we reach a small clearing. I bring the car, a black convertible (always wanted one of those), to a halt in the centre of the open space and get out. I stroll round to the passenger side and open the door for her, taking her hand as she steps out. We walk a little, making small talk about the day we just had. She tells me that some guy tried to ask her out, but I already knew that.

"We were walking across the park outside college. He's a TA. We ran into each other on the way home from class. He asked me if I wanted to have a picnic with him." She laughs shyly. "So lame. He's a total grade-A mamas boy loser! But then he said something about going for a drive. That sounded kinda ok. For us, I mean. Not me and him. Ew." She looks up at my straight face. "Does that bother you? Other guys asking me out?"

I wait a minute before I answer. "Of course it does." I pick a white flower from the ferns beside us and gently place it behind her ear, brushing her soft fair hair away from her face in the process. I grip her hand again and lead her back to the car. "It hurts me to know that…they can take you out for real. Wake up in the morning and it wasn't just a really great dream."

We stop as we reach the car and she turns to face me. "It's more than that now. When I wake up I don't feel like I've been dreaming. I feel like…like we're together. All the pain, all the grief I felt when I almost killed myself over losing you. It's gone."

I'm deeply shocked at what she just told me. I didn't know. "You almost…why would you…I…oh my god! Buffy!" I can sense the tears welling up behind my eyes. I hurt her so much that she tried to commit suicide! What the hell…? What did I do? Why wasn't I…? What gives me the right to damage her like that?

She catches sight of the tear running slowly down my cheek and I squeeze my eyes shut, desperate not to spoil our night.

"Honey, no! Don't be like that! I'm ok!" She reaches up and holds my face between her hands. "I'm ok and you're ok and we're together. Everything that happened is in the past. You helped me forget. Now we don't have all those barriers between us. Now we can walk and talk and kiss without holding back from how we feel. Now we can make love. No worries. No pain. No torture or agonising over the consequences. It's just you and me. It's perfect. It's all I need."

"For now." I open my eyelids in time to see her frown.

"What do you mean?" she asks me, sweetly naïve to the truth.

"It's just the same as before. One day you'll want it all. The marriage. The kids. Nothings changed." I bend my head to stare at the ground, the tears beginning to fall freely. What am I doing here? Putting off the inevitable? God, I'm so stupid. What we had before was amazing, but what we have now is mind-blowing. We fit so well together. If it almost killed her when I left her then, what's going to happen when I leave her again? When I can't come to her every night. After all we've shared. All the times we've made love, openly, freely, unrestrained and uninhibited. What happens now?

"You're right. I'll want it all. And now you can give me it." She brings my head back up until our eyes meet and stares at me defiantly.

"I don't understand." I stare back at her, my vision blurry from my tears. I've never cried in front of anyone before.

"Here. We can have it all here. Every night when I sleep we can be together. Get married, have a family! I've been thinking about this so much lately! All the possibilities!" Her eyes are full of hope as she gazes at me. She really means this.

I grab her hands and wrench them from my face, stepping back a few steps from her. "It won't mean anything! When you wake up there will be no wedding ring! No children! No future! I can't give you what you want."

She remains calm and moves towards me, again placing her hands on my face. She speaks firmly, eagerly. "What I want is you! This, now, is wonderful! We have everything! I don't care about the outside. As far as that's concerned, I wake up and no harm done. What happens in 'Buffy and Angel Land' doesn't hurt the daytime part of my life. I spend every waking minute wishing I were asleep! Angel, all I care about is us! Let's do this! Lets get married. Now. Right now! What do you think?"

Her eyes sparkle as she voices one of my greatest fantasies. A part of me wants to end this; unsure of whether or not she'll get hurt. But why would she? I have no intention of stopping this unless she asks me to. I won't break us up again. Yes, maybe our relationship will be a strictly nighttime deal but our dreams can last a millennia if I want them to. We won't be apart for half as much time as I'll let us be together. What's stopping us? I sense the excitement building in the pit of my stomach. Now I get why she calls it butterflies.

Her smile widens as she observes the corners of my mouth turning up to form a grin. If we're gonna do this we're gonna do it properly. I grasp her hands and hold them in front of me before dropping to my knees.

"I'm crazy…" She raises her eyebrows but maintains her beautiful smile so I continue… "about you. I have been since the moment I met you. Being with you was never something that I imagined happening to me. But you loved me. No-one's ever loved me like you do. And what makes that so much more fulfilling is that I love you. Completely. With all my heart. You're my everything. I know that this isn't going to be easy because we still have lives apart but when we're together we can be unbreakable. Forever. We can make the most fantastic dreams come true. Together forever. I love you so much that I can't think straight. This is insane! But it feels so right. Buffy Summers, will you marry me?"

She tugs me up so that I'm standing and wraps her arms around my neck. Her lips embrace mine tenderly, and I hold her, lost in this moment. She softly ends the kiss and smiles as I rest my forehead against hers.

"So is that a yes?" I enquire, already sure of the answer.

She gazes up at me and sighs happily. "In your dreams."

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I stand at the edge of the park; my only source of shade is the stone doorway surrounding me. I think it used to be a dorm. It's the only place I found on the UC Sunnydale campus blueprints that can be accessed through the sewers. I had to see her. After last night I need to know if she feels as strong as I do about the vows we made. I have to know if this is what she really wants.

She's sitting at a picnic bench with Willow. She's facing my direction but she hasn't seen me yet. She's too wrapped up in whatever she's writing. Probably that psychology paper she told me about. She's doing really well. I'm so proud of her. I look glance down at my watch, wondering how many hours until sunset. When I bring my eyes back to look at her I jump a little. She's staring at me. Her face remains emotionless but I can see her happiness, her smile, dance across her eyes. I smirk at her, and she keeps on watching me, her eyes never breaking contact. She begins to stroke the necklace she's wearing and I instantly notice the charm on it.

The claddagh ring. She wants this as much as I do.

I notice Willow looking intently at her. She turns her head but I'm gone before she can see me. She catches my girl in a curious conversation and I make my way back into the damp dark building, heading for the basement. Now she knows it's real. It's only a matter of time before she comes to me. Then we can sleep for as long as we want. Be as one forever. The Native American sleeping potion.

Thanks for the book, Doc.

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Oh, he wouldn't…would he? Find out when the next chapter's up on Friday!

Thanks for reading! X


	7. If It's Good Enough For Romeo

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. What is she going to do?

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!"

A/N 2: This chapter is a joint Buffy and Angel POV.

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Seven - If It's Good Enough For Romeo… Angel… 

I'm lying awake on my bed later that night. She definitely saw me. She wouldn't just leave it that. A look. She'll come to me. She knows where I am. She can sense me just like I can sense her. She's on her way now. I can feel her getting closer to me. My wife. My life. My everything.

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Buffy… 

Is he really here? Maybe it was just my imagination. After what happened between us last night I haven't stopped thinking about him for a single second. We got married. Does it count though? I mean, we were dreaming. But I remember it so vividly. The smell of the flowers that surrounded us. The colours that the deep sunset cast on his strong handsome face. The soft tone of his voice as he promised that I'll be his everything from now until eternity. The sweet caress of his lips against mine as we sealed our vows. The taste of his warm skin as we made love so devotedly that I thought I was going to be caught in that moment forever.

Forever. That's the whole point.

He said that to me once, in a dream long before the blissful nights we share now. I finally accept that he meant it. We're forever. That thought sends a surge through my body and my feet move faster along the dark cobbled street. I need to know if it was really him I saw today. I'm going to his old apartment, the one near the Bronze. I don't know why. It's like he's calling to me. What do I do when I get there? Will he even be there? Maybe it's me. He probably doesn't have anything to do with the dreams. I've simply got so lonely and desperate that I've created some elaborate fantasy that he's as out of his mind about me as I am about him.

God, I'm such a loser.

But what if it is him? What do I say? Hey, lovin all the dream sex p.s. do you really wanna be married to me? If it is him I…I don't know.

I reach the apartment block and head downstairs towards the mid-underground flat.

Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god. I can sense him - an intense tingling at the base of my spine. My feet are rooted to the spot but I reach for the door handle and turn it, my whole body shaking…

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Angel… 

"Hi"

"Hi" she stares at me, the shock clear on her face. "You're really here."

"I am," I assure her. "I never even left"

She continues to watch me, her eyes searching deep into mine. "But I thought…I thought you didn't wanna be with me?" her voice is quiet and unsteady.

"I didn't wanna be the ruin of you. But I'm not as strong as I thought I could be. That's why I've been visiting you." I respond softly. She keeps on staring silently. I get up and slowly walk to her. "Are you ok?" I question her. She's never been this quiet with me. It's worrying.

"It was you?" she asks faintly. Before I can answer she speaks again, a little louder. "It was you. All along it really was you. It was real." This was more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah. It was me. I just…I couldn't…"

Before I have time to finish she grabs me by the hair and pulls me into a fiery kiss, her mouth crushing against mine. Heat engulfs my body and I react just as vigorously, my hands frantically searching her body. She thrusts her tongue into my mouth and I suck on it eagerly, desperate to have the taste of her take me over again. Her hands hastily make their way to my chest and she pushes me away from her, turning her back to me. She rushes over to the wall and lays her palms flat against it her head hangs down between her arms and I can hear her breathing heavily. She's crying.

"Buffy, what's wrong?" I hurry to her and wrap my arms around her, kissing the back of her neck.

"Don't!" she shoves me away again and returns to her position.

"Don't what?" I can feel the tears form behind my eyes. I hurt her. She's crying because of me! Why do I always do this! I promised myself she'd be alright! No matter what she'd be happy! I should never have gone there today.

"Just don't! Stop…tormenting me! You get inside my head and you…you plant these dreams…" she turns to face me and I see the warm tears, waterfalls cascading down both her cheeks. "And you make me feel…but it's not…I actually thought we had a chance. I was so happy." She sobs loudly, her body trembling with every drop that runs down her glowing face.

I go to her and she wraps her arms around my waist, weeping into my shirt. "I know. I was happy too." I run my fingers through her smooth hair as I try to explain myself "For once I felt…like we could have it all. Then I realised that we were fooling ourselves but then you wanted to get married and I couldn't believe my luck. I wanted you so badly I couldn't stop myself." Her grip on me gets tighter and I can feel the dampness of her tears against my chest.

"I love you." It's all I have to offer.

I don't hear her say it but I feel her breath it against me.

"I love you too."

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"So what happens now?"

She stopped crying a few minutes ago and I've settled her onto the edge of my bed. I'm sitting on a chair barely millimetres from her, massaging her hands to help calm her down.

"What do you want?" I gaze at her, waiting patiently for her request.

"You."

A sadness echoes in her voice and she looks away from me. "But that's just not gonna happen is it?" I carry on gazing at her. "Sorry, rhetorical question. Needs no answer." She laughs a little at her own joke but I see the pain in her beautiful blue eyes. So much sorrow for someone who has never deserved it. I want to make that vanish. I want her to smile every moment of every day. She has such a stunning smile. I need to tell her. I need to tell her now. Then she'll never hurt again.

"Actually…" I stop rubbing her hands and glimpse down at the floor.

"What…" she enquires, curiosity flickering across her tear-stained face.

"There is one way…" she stares intently at me, waiting for me to go on. I reach over to my nightstand and pick up an old leather journal and hand it to her. "The spell I used is on page two-thirty." She looks to the book and flips through the pages until she finds the incantation. I give her a moment to read it. "There's another spell on page one-forty three. I thought about using it but I would never…not without your permission." She turns the pages back and I watch her eyes move back and forward as she examines the words in front of her.

"The Eternal Rest. I…I don't understand." She looks to me questioningly.

"It's a sleeping spell. It puts the person under the spell into a deep sleep. They can't be woken up by anything."

"How long does it last?" I pause for a moment, trying to gauge her reaction to what I'm about to say.

"Forever. That's the whole point."

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Buffy… 

Why does he keep saying that?

He's gone crazy. He's finally snapped. His fruit's finally looped.

"Forever? How is that even possible? I mean, if I'm sleeping for more than ten hours I wake up starving. My body'll die after a few days." I get up of his bed. The bed I lost my virginity in. The sheets are still the same colour. It was so…uh, snap out of it Summers, focus on the now.

"No, that's not how it works." He grabs my hips and sits me back down again. "We just go to sleep. Permanently. We don't ever die. We can't die. We live together forever, doing whatever we want whenever we want. It'll be fantastic! Just you and me. Walking in the sunshine. The dream come true." I can hear the hope in his voice as he stares at me.

Is this for real? Could this really happen? Me and Angel. Together forever. This has to be the most tempting proposition I've ever had.

"But what about my friends? My mom? I can't just leave them. Can I?"

"That's your decision. I won't force you into this." he gazes at me calmly. I see the love reflecting in his eyes and I feel my entire body burn. I can't seriously be considering this, can I?

"What would we do forever?" I can't help but ask, wondering what his plans are.

"We could have a family. Think about it. Us and a big brood of kids. Our kids. And they can grow up whenever we want and have their own families. Then it's us and a big brood of grandkids. And we could, I dunno, make our own house. I always wanted to do that!" he grins at me and I throw in a few ideas of my own.

"We could get horses! I really enjoyed it when we went riding in Texas. And you could teach me and the kids to speak different languages! And we could laze about all day coz we'd never have to worry about work or money." I'm sitting up straight now, smiling like a fool, grasping his hands tightly.

"Yeah, we could do all of that! And more. Anything and everything you can think of."

"It'll be perfect!" Oh my god, I think I'm gushing. Buffy Summers doesn't gush! Much…

"It will." He's smiling back at me, squeezing my hands as tightly as I'm holding his.

This is insane. I can't do this. I can't abandon my family and friends and calling. Hold on. The slaying.

"What about the slaying? What happens there?" he notices my face fall and quickly tries to reassure me. "No more. No more demons, no more fighting, no more pain. It'll all be over."

Well that's just the icing on a great big chocolate cake.

"This is crazy! Do people actually do this?" I'm laughing now, half in amusement and half in shock at the mere inclination I'm having to this idea.

"People madly in love do this all the time." He laughs back at me and I feel the need to question his answer.

"Oh yeah, like who?"

"Romeo and Juliet! True story. That wasn't poison in that bottle, it was the Endless Rest potion," he informs me, a slight smugness in his tone.

"And how would you know that?" I shoot back.

"Romeo! A demon I once knew met the poor guy in a witch's den looking for something that would keep him and his lover together forever. Always knew he'd found something but I never knew quite what it was until today. He and Juliet will still be together now." his laughter ceases and his mouth forms that patented half-smile that makes my knees go weak.

"Buffy, I've already made my decision. Now this is about you. Whatever you decide is fine by me. I'll love you anyway."

I know what I want. But I have one last question.

"If I say no to this…what happens with us?" I speak softly; scared of the answer but knowing it will make my decision for me.

"Whatever you want. I'm never leaving you again. I'm with you for as long as you want me. I'm crazy about you."

He said that last night when he proposed. I…this is wild.

"I, uh…I need some time to think about this," I tell him, already quite sure what my answers gonna be.

"I understand." He states selflessly. "It'll all be worth it though. I promise you. I'll never let you down"

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Angel… 

I stand up with her as she prepares to leave me. I reach over to her and graze my lips against hers, unsure if she wants me to touch her right now. She leans in and kisses me tenderly, an innocent kiss that promises so much more. As she walks away from me, the door her destination, I just have to ask.

"Are we still on for tonight?"

She turns around and smirks at me.

"Don't be late."

We stand still, smiling at each other for a moment before she walks out, leaving me with my deep thoughts.

Should our new house have a pool?

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Hello my brilliant reviewers! Thanks for all your reviews last chapter! They made me feel all warm and fuzzy! 18 reviews altogether last time I checked! Not bad for a first fic!

I'm gonna admit that I had this fic going in a completely different direction but I watched "The Prom" a few days ago and realized that I didn't actually like my plan. Too much angstorama! Anyways, the new plan has six more chapters than the old one so I'm not even half way through this yet - more work for me, more fic for you! And mysticallove, feel glad that you don't live in crappy Scotland - "Bones" hasn't started here yet. Now I'm all excited about it coz DB takes his shirt off! I'll be recording that and playing it over and over and over and over and over…!

Chapters eight and nine should be up in two days, three if I get dragged to another party this weekend!

Thanks for reading! X


	8. Sacrifice

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. What is she going to do?

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" I just realised that they have the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.

A/N 2: This chapter is Buffy POV. Lil' bit background that I haven't mentioned: Willow and Oz didn't split, captain peroxide never came back and Dawn never exists. Love her, but she has no legit place in this fic.

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Eight - Sacrifice

As I make my way back to the dorm a million thoughts swim through my tired mind. What about my family? My friends? My 'job'? Can I just throw that all aside to run away with Angel? To live in some perfect world that holds everything I've ever dreamed of and more? Can this really happen?

Willow's fast asleep. She's lying on her bed, her head resting on a biochemistry book. I lift the comforter from my chair and tuck her in, aware of the slight draught from under our door. I quietly get myself ready for bed, climbing in and switching of the lamp on my nightstand. I have so much to think about, so much to consider.

There's no way I'm gonna sleep tonight.

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Nine minutes later… 

A warm breeze gently plays with my hair as I sit cross-legged in the meadow. This was the place that we shared our first dream. Well, our first dream since that night in the library.

I look down at myself. I'm wearing a light pink dress and strappy sandals. Cute. Now, where is he? As I scan the length of the open space I'm stunned as I see a young girl, around seven, making her way towards me.

I know her.

She has long blonde hair and a smile that makes my insides warm. I see her eyes. Angel's eyes. She's wearing faded jeans with rips in the knees and… a hockey shirt? Why's she wearing a hockey shirt? I hate hockey! Her features look familiar. Really familiar. She's fiddling with something in her right hand, glancing up every now and then to smile at me. Suddenly she shoots towards me. A moment later she leaps into my arms, knocking me back onto the grass. I hold her tightly, a sudden rush of emotion overcoming me. I love her. I breathe in her scent. Strawberries.

Oh my god. She's mine. With ever fibre of my existence I feel it.

The girl breaks away from me and smiles an adorable lopsided half-smile. Her blue eyes twinkle in the sunlight. Wow, she looks like him. She leans down a little, slipping the item in her hand, a small pink flower, behind my ear. She pecks me on the cheek and then takes off laughing into the forest nearby.

I get up to follow her, worried about the dangers that the woods may hold, but a strong set of arms wrap around my waist.

"She'll be fine. The bad guys don't live here."

I sink back into Angels embrace and sigh. "Was she…?"

He laughs slightly "I don't know. You tell me. Is that who you want her to be?"

"She looks just like you. She has your eyes. And my smile. I think." I turn to face him and he grins at me.

"I'll give you anything. Whatever you want."

I turn back around and pull his arms around me again, taking in the magnificent scenery that lies before us. It already feels like home.

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Giles' Apartment… 

I watch the five of them talking away. Making plans. Xander makes some dumb joke and I find myself giggling along with Anya. Willow and Giles gawp at me like I'm crazy and Oz remains oblivious, continuing to flick through Giles' record collection in the far corner of the sitting room.

Here they are. All my friends.

A witch, a watcher, a werewolf, a former vengeance demon and a construction worker. They move back to their conversation about the newly discovered 'Initiative'. That dork Riley and his psycho friend Forrest work there. I found out about a week ago when the whole town lost their voices and farm boy took the opportunity to shove his slimy tongue in my mouth because I couldn't protest. He wasn't very pleased when I punched him. That bruise is gonna last a while. Oops. Anyway, they fight demons. Big whoop, been doin' it for years. Giles is going crazy over it though.

I stare at the ceiling and fiddle with my claddagh ring. I've been wearing it ever since we got married. Dream married. I have it on a plain silver chain around my neck. It hangs down beside my heart, right where it belongs.

"Earth to Buffy! Come in Buffy!" I glimpse up and catch Xanders hand as he waves it about in front of my face. "Are you ok? You've been a little spaced out today." The rest of the Scooby gang stare at me and for some reason I feel a strong sense of guilt.

"I'm fine. I'm getting a headache, that's all." I get up off my spot on the sofa and reach for my jacket hanging on the nearby stair-rail. I slip it on and perch myself onto the arm of Willows chair.

"Oh. Ok." He knows I'm lying. "We were just wondering if you wanted to Bronze it with us tonight? Take a night off since we've got those military goofballs covering our backs?" I look from Xander to Giles and I raise my eyebrows questioningly. He would never let me take time off with these new guys hanging around.

"Though it pains me to say it, Xander's right. You could use some time off. You've been working hard lately and from what I understand these Initiative fellows have the demon populace under control." Giles smiles at me - a rare sight - and walks to the door, an unsubtle gesture for us all to leave. The rest of the group saunter casually outside and I hang back for a second, waiting until they're out of earshot before addressing Giles.

"Look, thanks for…everything." I smile at him and open my arms out. He looks at me curiously for a moment before walking into my hug. "I love you." He pushes me back in surprise, holding on to my shoulders.

"Is everything alright? You really have been distant. Not just tonight but for a few days now. And you've been sleeping a lot lately." He stares at me concerned and I blurt out the first thing that comes into my head.

"Giles, the council contacted me. They want me to go deal with some apocalypse in…somewhere. I have to leave. And I don't know if I'll be back."

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Half a dozen cups of disgusting English tea later I'm almost crying with guilt. Giles, the only father in my life, has spent the past two hours questioning me about my mystery end of the world. I can't believe I told him that. It's too late to take it back now.

"So I have to go. I can't bear for you guys to come with me. It's too dangerous." Giles continues to walk speedily around the room, constantly cleaning his glasses. My shame grows. "Please don't tell them. Tell them that I freaked out and left for a few weeks. I don't want them to follow me. If I don't come back tell them the truth. Tell them I'm dead." His head snaps up and I see the devastation on his face.

"Oh god, Buffy. I can't believe…any of this. Stay here!" He snatches the

telephone off his desk and punches the redial button.

"I wish to speak with Quentin Travers right away. Tell him it's urgent. Rupert Giles." He continues to pace as he waits for a response. "What do you mean there's no Travers! Pizza Hut! Last time I called you were a bloody book shop!" He throws the phone at the wall and it shatters into a dozen pieces. "Bugger!" He drops down into a chair and runs his hands through his hair.

"Giles, I can't just let the world end! I have to go. It's…it's my destiny." I stand up and stare down at him waiting for a response. He just hugs me.

"I'm so sorry. Always remember, I'm so proud of you. But you are going nowhere until I know what these arrogant prats are trying to do to you. **Stay here**." As he makes his way up the stairs to his bedroom, probably to get the other phone, I take my opportunity and dash out the door.

He'll understand. He has to.

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June 1999 - Sunnydale High Prom… 

_We dance wildly, outrageously to the pounding music. Cordy twirls me under her arm and I feel my hair falling out of place. I don't care. The night's almost over anyway. Xander and Willow are doing the 'Monkey' next to me and I grab Anya and spin her around. As she and Cordelia join in with Will and Xand I take a moment to place Angel. He and Oz are standing at the side of the dance floor, punch glasses in hand. They're both watching us make complete fools of ourselves. I grin at Angel and he shows me that gorgeous half-smile. Suddenly I'm seized from behind and hoisted into the air by Xander. I laugh uncontrollably and pound on his shoulders until he finally puts me down. We keep on dancing, arms thrashing and hair flying around, for what feels hours until the song ends._

_As the slow notes to the last song begin I feel a hand tighten around mine. My Angel. My friends and I look at each other, a little disappointed to be separated, as we fall into the arms of our dates. Hold on…Cordy and Wesley! How didn't I notice that! As Angel and I begin to sway Willow and I exchange glances. This is the best night we've all ever spent together._

_As the music overcomes me, the thoughts of my friends fade away. All that's left is him. Tonight, I'll let myself get lost in the arms of my soulmate for the final time._

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The Bronze… 

I stand on the balcony and watch the four of them. Laughing, dancing, having fun. And I'm not there. They don't need me, not really. Maybe they want me - I want them - but they don't need me. They have each other. All of them are strong people.

I admire them. They all mean the world to me.

Anyway, Willow and Xander were best friends long before I showed up. And now both of them have someone to love. Willow and Oz would be my aspiration if their relationship had more passion. They're so happy. And Xander and Anya? They like to let us think that it's just sex but I've seen the way they look at each other. They'll go the distance. I have faith in them.

Faith. That reminds me. With me gone the world's gonna need another slayer.

The security guard approaches Willow, tapping her on the shoulder. She follows him and he hands her the telephone from behind the bar. I can almost hear her cheery "Hello?" Her smile falters momentarily and she looks toward the others. She leans over the bar to replace the handset and makes her way quickly back to the group. I watch as she whispers to them and almost immediately Oz looks directly up at me. He can smell me. Our stares meet through the hazy lighting and the rest of them follow his eyes in my direction.

I gaze down at my four friends and smile gladly. As I make my way out of the Bronze I only have one thought.

Thanks for the memories. Thank you all so much.

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Sunnydale Memorial Hospital… 

She looks so peaceful.

The bruises are gone. Her long dark hair sits flatly against her head. She's a shell of the girl I used to know. It's her own fault. She had so many chances but she chose her path and this is how it ends.

The only sound in the sideward of the hospital is the steady beat of the heart monitor and the hum of the life support machine.

I reach over and switch them both off.

I lightly kiss her forehead as her forced breathing ends. "I hope the next one has more sense than you."

I'll always swear she opened her eyes.

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Rovello Drive… 

She races downstairs to grab the telephone before it finishes ringing. I watch as she speaks to the nameless person on the other end of the line. She hangs up after a quiet goodbye and sits down on one of the benches at the island in the middle of the kitchen. Her hands glide slowly across the counter and a single tear falls, breaking on the cool surface of the worktop. She gets up and fills the kettle, placing it on the stove to heat up. As the steam rises from the spout she leans over the sink, her body shaking. I can't see her face but I know she's crying. I turn round and make my way back into the trees at the side of my old home. I glance over my shoulder but she's gone from the window already.

As I stroll across the neighbours garden I hear the words pierce the air, a deafening cry into the dark lonely night.

"Buffy!…BUFFY!"

Bye Mom.

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Outside Angels' Apartment… 

I made one last stop before my final journey through Sunnydale. I had something to pick up. The campus was cold and surprisingly quiet for a Friday night. Nothing seems right. That's the story of my life up until now. I've spent all of today doubting my decision. Do I go with him or not? Do we stay here, unable to fully be together, to walk in the daylight, to make love? To have that beautiful little girl I dreamed of? Or do we leave here and have the life together that we've always wanted since the moment we met? No competition. I know what I want to do. I've made up my mind. No turning back, no regrets. I'm doing this for me. I've paid more than I owe to this world. It's time that I get what I've earned. And I've earned so much.

I can hear him cluttering about in his apartment. The microwave pings and a window slams shut.

I sit on the stairs near his door and think about the night I've just had. It was easier than I thought to say goodbye. To see them all and know it would be the last time. I'm not even that upset. Ok, I avoided actually talking to any of them but I think that it was the right approach in this situation. I mean, what was I supposed to say?

"Sorry but I'm leaving to live forever in some sort of dream dimension with my dream husband who happens to be my ensouled vampire ex boyfriend. I'll send a postcard."

Goodbyes only make people - make me - angry and upset. Let them deal with that after I'm gone. They can ride that roller coaster on their own. Me, I'll be fine. I've got all I need. I've got Angel and an eternity of perfect happiness to look forward to. I don't need them to make me smile. Oh, and I have the one material possession that I had to take with me enveloped in my arms. They're all I need. They're definitely all I need. I don't need my mom or Giles or my friends or anyone except Angel.

As I curl up on the cold stone stairs I feel the storm brewing behind my eyes. I breathe in sharply trying to calm my rapidly trembling body but the tears flow freely, sinking into Mr Gordo as I grasp him tightly against my chest.

"Goodbye"

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There we have it. Chapter eight! Wahey! I've completely rewritten this chapter like four times since Saturday and I think I finally hit the nail on the head! And guess what? Chapter Nine's up too. Go on! Push the button! Find out what happens next! You know you wanna…

Thanks for reading! X


	9. Eternal Rest

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever and she agrees. What happens next?

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.

A/N 2: This chapter is Angels POV. It's prob my shortest chapter yet but I kinda just wanted to get the spell out of the way.

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Nine - Eternal Rest

She enters my lair and runs to me. Her arms hold tight around my neck and her kiss is needy. Desperate. I can smell the tears on her. But there's something else. Something dark. It's familiar but I can't quite put my finger on…what the hell!

"Who was it?" I back away and stare her down, my body overcome with shock that the protector of lives, the kindest woman I've met in all my worthless years, could end the life of a human being. But she did. It's all over her.

"I'm leaving. The world needs a slayer." She looks me straight in the eyes, not a sign of regret anywhere on her face.

"Faith." The name slips from my mouth and she nods silently

"I had to."

"I know."

I reach over and pull her into my embrace, her body warm and tense. There's not much I can do about that now but the quicker we get this spell done…

"Are you sure about this" Every part of me hopes that she is. "Once this is done I don't know how to reverse it." She smiles at me, confidence shining through the tears in her tired eyes.

"I've never been so sure of anything."

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My hands glide from bottle to bottle, pouring the contents into the clay bowl. Rose petals, ginseng, a mandrake root, seawater blessed by a warrior, and lavender. I place in a picture of her. It shows her sitting on my bed, unnoticing that I've snuck up to catch her unaware. It's from the photo album she gave me almost two years ago. Beside it I lay another image. The first and only time I've been able to see my face since I was turned. Until she gave me this picture I couldn't even remember what Liam O'Carroll had looked like. Not bad! The prints float for a moment before dissolving in the thick lilac water.

She sits cross-legged on the floor and observes me carefully, reciting the ingredients of the potion. "Are you sure this will work? These ingredients sound like the recipe for the 'soup' I made when I was four."

"This spell is ancient. All these things were available to the Natives. They didn't have a great deal to work with." She shrugs indifferently and begins to tell me the next item on the list. "The blood of the…" Suddenly she stops.

"Ew. The blood of the visionary shall boil and all shall be consumed by a wandering life. What does that mean?"

I reach over to the knife sitting on the edge of the table - the same knife I use for the dream walking spell - and drag it across my palm. I feel no pain. I've been doing this every night for months. This will be the last time.

The blood slowly drips from my palm and into the bowl, causing a light red mist to arise from the strange concoction.

I hold my intact hand out to her and she takes it instinctively, getting up as I gently draw her towards me. She smiles a little. Or at least she does until I hold up the knife.

"Ouch." She fakes pain as her blood runs across her fingertips, falling through the red vapour and into the bowl. I can smell the deep crimson lifeline so strongly. A growl begins to form at the back of my throat but I suppress it and shake my head, trying to let go of the hunger. The haze dissolves and all that's left in the bowl is a clean, clear liquid. I try to walk away but she grabs my arm, watching me intently. She's somehow aware of what I'm feeling. She slowly raises her hand to my face and hesitates a little, unsure of my response. Before I have a chance to protest she drags her finger across my lips, leaving a trail of her blood. I willingly open my mouth and she places her open palm across it. I lick her hand gently, tasting the sweet liquid and I can feel myself fall once again.

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The Crawford Street Mansion, June 1999… 

She strikes me for the third time and I feel my face involuntarily contort.

All thoughts and reason leave my dying body as she hauls me to her, my lips grazing the skin between her shoulders and her neck.

Where am I? Why is the rhythm pulsing below her smooth skin mesmerizing me so much? Why does she smell so alluring?

I feel the warmth flow through my mouth, across my tongue and down my throat. I fuse my jaw shut tightly and grasp her in my arms. Her body weakens as mine grows stronger and we fall to the floor. Her fading heartbeat sounds but I can't bring myself to stop. All these years, all the agony, the suffering. I never thought she would taste so pure.

Oh god, what have I done!

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I snap back, getting as far away from her as possible before I have the nerve to look at her. She's sitting on the edge of the table, staring at her hand as she enfolds the soft gauze around it.

"Buffy, I…I'm sorry I didn't mean to…"

She glances over at me, the animal trembling in the corner and chuckles a little.

"My bad. I thought you wanted to. You know, what's mine is yours or whatever the saying is." She saunters over to me and takes my damaged hand, turning it over to cover the wound. "It's fine. I don't need a bandage." She ignores me, still tending to my self-inflicted injury. When she's done she reaches up on her toes, kissing me warmly. I relax a little as she leads me towards the desk, eager to finish the spell.

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_11:58pm…_

"Do I really have to drink this?" she screws up her face in disgust.

I stare at the vial in my hand. Not long now. We're sitting on my bed waiting. The final part of the spell takes place at midnight. The single moment when the dimensions open and the world falls into a new day. This time we won't be falling with it.

She glances at her watch, set to perfection. Mr Gordo sits propped up against the pillow between us, his black beady eyes burning a hole in my head. "I don't think he likes you that much." I look up quickly and catch a slight grin on your face. "Maybe it's because you kept me away from him for so many nights. Either that or because you kicked him out of his own bed."

"He better learn to like me soon or he'll be spending an eternity on the floor." She giggles and checks her watch again.

"One minute. All systems go."

I have to ask one last time. "Are you sure you've thought this through? We don't need to do this. I told you, I'll never leave you. We'll be together forever, no matter what."

"What happens when I die?"

She gazes at me, her face serious yet full of raw emotion. I don't know. I don't know what I'd do when you died.

You open the small bottle that you're holding, sniffing the contents warily. I look at the clock above the bed before taking the lid off mine.

Ten seconds…

You grip my hand and smile at me reassuringly. You raise the potion to your mouth. The clear liquid passes through your lips and I watch you swallow before copying your actions.

Here comes forever.

Midnight…

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Well? We are officially half way through the fic! Chapterwise, that is - nine more chapters to go! I'm not sure if I like this chapter. I might change it. What did you wonderful peeps think? You guys have been great with the reviews! "Mad props" (sorry, been watchin the O.C!) to:

mysticallove, deadbeatsoul, spikestar, pinkyblue-ice, Emo-Dreams, lessthanangelic1, Aayla, REALbluelightsabre, Fobroks21, TheSaver, BloodThirstyGoddess and Angel sumoritos!

There's loads more to come!

Next chapter will be up on Friday. Thanks for reading! X


	10. Blind

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever and she agrees and they do the spell. What happens next?

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.

A/N 2: This chapter is mostly Willow (with a little bit of Angel) POV.

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Ten - Blind 

_Willow…_

_11:15pm_.

I don't know what just happened. One minute we were looking up at her on the balcony and the next she was gone. I don't know what to do.

She's my best friend and she didn't tell me. I thought we shared everything. Everything important. I can't believe I didn't notice what she was going through.

I can't believe I was so blind.

Giles is wandering around his undersized kitchen waiting for the water to boil. His solution to everything seems to be tea. The three of us - Giles, Oz and I - went to the docks and the bus station to look for her. Right now Xander and Anya should be at the dorm. They called a few minutes ago to tell us that she wasn't at the airport. And she can't drive so she has to still be in Sunnydale. She has to be. We'll find her. She doesn't have to do this alone.

"Nada." Xander swings the door open and marches into the building, Anya following him like some sort of obedient puppy. I don't like her. I don't know what he sees in her. He could do so much better.

"You checked the dorm?" Giles whips off his glasses - how very British - and rubs them with a handkerchief.

"We checked everywhere. We even stopped to threaten Willie on the way back"

"You didn't threaten him. You offered him a cash incentive in exchange for information. That's called bribery, not threatening." Anya gave Xander her self-superior look and nodded a little.

"Thanks An, I think one of my testicles just vanished". Xander blushes a little, annoyed at her for giving him away. "Anyway, he had nothing."

"Are you sure? Sometimes he needs a little more persuading than a handful of cash." Giles pushes his glasses back on and leans his elbows on the worktop opening between the kitchen and the main room.

"I'm sure. He wouldn't turn down a few hundred."

"If you've lost one of your testicles does that mean that we can't have sex anymore?" Anya stands in front of Xander and raises her eyebrows distraughtly. How dumb is she?

"It was a metaphor. Y'know, for my sudden lack of manliness."

"Oh. Good. I like having sex with you." Anya smiles and I zone away from their pointless conversation.

"Giles, what do we do now? We can't let her leave alone! We don't know how dangerous this is. What if she gets really hurt? What if she dies? What if…" Oz's arm finds it's way around me and I stop talking. I could hear the pitch of my voice getting higher, which usually means I'm babbling. Why the hell do I do that? I'm a witch. A good witch who has no need to be rambling like a nervous idiot. Wicca doesn't just teach us magical ways of solving problems. It teaches us to respect ourselves as well as…wait a minute…

"I honestly don't know what to do. We just have to keep looking. I'll continue trying to contact the council but…"

"Locator spell! We can do a locator spell!" I interrupt Giles, jumping a little off my seat in the process. I'm totally confident that my brainwave will work. I reinstated a vampire's soul so I should be able to do a simple locator spell.

"Of course! I don't know why I didn't think of it myself!" Giles vanishes behind the kitchen wall for a moment and reappears in the doorway before heading over to his bookcase.

"You didn't think of it because Willow is the brains of the Scooby Gang. Xander said so." Anya addresses Giles like he's a little boy. Did I mention that I really don't like her? She's so…Xander thinks I'm the brains? Giles is definitely more intelligent than me. For now.

"This will do. '_Locating a Lost Friend_.' The only problem is that I don't have any Roccisin sand" Giles rubs the lines on his forehead.

"I have some back at the dorm." I stand up swiftly, pulling Oz with me.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Xander's already out the door when I begin to move. As I walk I turn to face Giles.

"Bring a map. We'll find her."

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_11:42pm_

I sit on the floor, the image of my whole world laid out before me. Sunnydale is such a small place but it's all I've ever known. I lived here for sixteen crappy years before Buffy showed up. Before I found out the truth. She showed me a whole other side of my hometown. She protected me. She saved my life. I'm not gonna turn my back on her now.

The candles flicker as I recite the simple spell and I slowly let the purple sand drift onto the centre of the map. I spread it out until the paper is entirely covered in a thick layer.

"Goddess Hecate, blessed be. Show me what I most desire to find."

The sand sits still for a moment and then begins to dissolve. A cloud of violet smoke blocks my view and I fan it away with my hand until the map comes back into focus. A small flame burns brightly in one tiny location.

"It says she's near the Bronze. I don't know this place."

"Angels old apartment. I went there a few years back when I was looking for the Master." Xander kneels down beside me, examining the map.

"That's definitely got to be it. This area's pretty much deserted. I'm guessing that's the only place she knows around there."

"It makes sense. If she's trying to hide from us, why would we look there? As far as she knows, none of us ever went there." Oz breaks his silence and bends down to take my hand, tugging me towards the door.

"Yes. We should…" Giles waves his arms gently, ushering us out of the room and down to the car park.

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_11:57pm_

Xander drove like a maniac on the way over here. Oz had to keep his foot firmly on the gas just so the car stayed in sight of his van.

As we get out of the van Giles, a little disorientated from being thrown about in the back during our race to get here, is approached by a bottle blonde woman aged around thirty. Why is her dress so tight?

"Hey honey, is there anything I can do for you?"

Oh. Of course.

Giles' face goes an alarming shade of red and he only manages to splutter out a few words "Eh…well…no thank you. I'm fine."

I smile for the first time since he called me at the Bronze. The hooker shrugs a little and lights a cigarette, sauntering off towards the main road a few blocks down.

Xander takes off down a dark alley until he reaches a rusted steel door.

He wrenches it open and runs down, shouting a few words of caution.

"Watch the stairs!"

As we reach a white door adjacent to bottom of the stairs, he throws it open, running inside and stopping for a moment to look around.

"Buffy!" He calls out loudly before sighting her in a small 'room' just off the one we're in now. She's sitting on a bed with her back against the headboard.

She turns around a little, looking at us blankly. A small bottle rolls off the edge of the bed and shatters on the cold stone floor, distracting all of us for a instant. When we look back at her, her eyes are closed.

"Oh God no! What have you done!"

I hurry over to her and shake her forcefully. She doesn't respond; she just falls limply into my arms. Then I notice who's lying next to her.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Xander almost screams in anger as he grabs Angels sleeping form by the collar. He lifts him up a little and slams him against the headboard.

"Wake up!" Now he is screaming. He throws Angel against the headboard again.

"Xander!" Oz grabs him from behind and drags him away from the vampire. I lift my hand up to Buffy's neck search for a pulse. The light tapping against my fingertips tell me she's still alive. Thank Hecate!

"Buffy, come on. Open your eyes." I feel tears welling but I persist in begging my best friend to regain consciousness.

"Giles! Giles! Help me!" I hear my voice cracking as I glance around the room. Oz is grappling with Xander and Giles is nowhere to be seen.

I turn back to Buffy. "Come on Buffy, wake up!" I cradle her tightly. I don't know what's going on! I can't help if she won't tell me what's going on!

"Buffy!"

"Willow, stop." I hear Giles voice speak calmly. I continue to rock her, ignoring him. She's not dead. I felt her pulse. She's not dead!

"Willow, stop!" His hand grips my shoulders and I can taste the warm salty tears falling from my eyes.

"No, we just have to wake her up. She's fine. We just have to wake her up!"

Strong familiar arms wrap around my waist. Buffy falls back onto the bed as Oz pulls me away. I look to Xander for some support but he's staring at Giles, his eyes wide in shock.

"What! Will someone tell me what's going on!"

Giles' turns to me and sighs a little. Oh my God, is he crying? He holds up a really old looking leather journal. My eyes catch sight of the heading at the top of the page:

"Eternal Rest. What is that? What does it mean? Giles!" his eyes travel towards the slumbering blonde figure on the bed.

"It means Buffy's not in there."

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Angel… 

"Did I just see Xander?"

Her eyes sparkle as they stare at me enquiringly. We're lying on the grass in our meadow watching the clouds roll by.

"We've been gone for less than a minute and you're already thinking about another guy. This went well!" she laughs and reaches over to punch me on the arm. She's so easy to tease.

"So what do you want to do first?" I sit up and watch her, waiting for an answer.

"Well…this is technically our honeymoon. You know what that means." Actually, I don't. It involves a holiday of some sort but that's all I know. When I was alive, newly married couples didn't have a honeymoon after the wedding. They just went home and started their new lives.

"What does that mean?" I smirk happily as she kneels up, leaning forward to peck me on the lips.

"Hawaii."

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Chapter 10, up and running! My wonderful reviewers, I'm taking a short interval. I'm overrun by uni work so I'm gonna have to spend a few days writing about kidneys, cloning, tool mark analysis and chemical titrations (Zzzz!). A day in the life of a trainee Gil Grissom (that show is SOOO wrong that it's actually embarrassing). Anyways, that means that I'm out of service until Tuesday so the next chapter, next two if I have time (and that's a very big if), will be up on Wednesday.

deadbeatsoul - I don't know if Pizza Hut is American. Does America have Pizza Hut? I put it in there coz G-man was calling the Council in England. He would have used an English number and there's PH in England. PH rocks! Chicken Feast with a cheese stuffed crust…mmm…! Note to self: PH on Saturday!

Next chapter is another Willow/Angel POV. Alarm clock type spells and honeymoon hulas!

As always, thanks for reading!


	11. Sleeping Beauty

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. She agrees and they do the spell. What happens next?

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.

A/N 2: This chapter is mostly Willow (with a little bit of Angel and Joyce) POV. I apologise for the Disney thing but lets just say that I can't turn down a maxi-triple-double-dare!

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Eleven - Sleeping Beauty

_Willow…_

They planned it.

Can't say I blame them.

I'd go anywhere just to be with Oz if we couldn't be together here. Even if that meant giving up everything. I mean, it would be hard but…I could do it. I think.

From the old Native journal that Giles found on the floor of the apartment we've been able to figure out that Buffy and Angel are in some dimension where they have almost total control over everything. Giles says it's not really happening - their souls are there but they're just in some sort of permanent dream. Their bodies are preserved in this dimension but will eventually die after a few years, leaving their souls in the dream dimension forever.

It's like a fairytale. Live for all eternity with the person you love the most.

No wonder she was acting so weird.

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"There isn't a spell to get her back. We've been looking for six days. Maybe this means we should just leave them alone."

When I suggested this to Giles and Xander a few hours ago they both ignored me. Well, as good as.

"Willow, Buffy has a sacred calling. As much as we all hate it, her life isn't her own. She's needed here."

"But what about the new slayer? Since Faith died there's gonna be a new one, isn't there?"

The rogue slayers death was a surprise to us all. We'd forgotten all about her. The hospital's carrying out an enquiry because they say someone illegally turned off her life support machine.

Last Friday night.

Always new that one of them would be the death of the other.

"The new slayer will not be as trained as Buffy. She will not have the skills or the experience. If something serious were to happen she may die. Buffy has a responsibility to her, to guide her along her new path. Especially after what she did to Faith." The last part came out as barely a whisper.

Giles can be such a wa…Watcher sometimes.

Xander just ranted on about how Angel (well his exact term was dead-boy) must have tricked her into it because she would never abandon us for him. Last summer seems to have completely slipped his mind.

I glimpse at the clock hanging over the bed where they sleep. Eight-Fourteen pm. I need food.

I heave myself up from my place on the bedroom floor and step carefully over the cluttered pile of books blocking my way into the small main room. Xander sits on an old wooden chair his forearms laying heavily on the desk while his eyes scan yet another page of bewildering text. Anya's fast asleep, propped up between the wall and a dusty glass display cabinet. Wow, she's helpful.

"Xand, I'm hungry. I'm gonna…"

"I'll go get Chinese when Giles gets back." His eyes never leave the text. He hasn't talked to me since my 'insane' comment earlier.

Giles and Oz were at the library collecting yet more books. My eyes hurt from all the reading. Every few hours Giles would have a ""Eureka!" moment and take off to get the one book that we needed. He's been wrong every time so far and we're running out of books.

I lower myself back down onto my warm spot on the floor and continue with the next chapter of the Romany journal I'm reading. This is one of the first magic books I bought during Junior Year when we were trying to help Angel. "_Out of body_." I learn that if we had this one specific key we could open the dimension that she's in and pull her back out. Of course, all hell would be unleashed on Earth from the other dimensions that opened in the process. Probably not a good idea. Last resorts only.

I bookmark the page and let my eyes wander over to the sleeping couple on the bed. They haven't moved an inch. It's like they're dead. Well, Angel was already dead but he was the kind of dead where he moved around a lot.

I bet they're happy. Wherever they are, I bet they're having the time of their lives.

I go back to my book and spend a few minutes flicking lazily through the next couple of pages.

Ouch! Papercut! Stupid page 43!

Page 43. Hey, what's this…return a soul suspended out of place. It makes reference to Angelus and…the gypsy curse! I feel butterflies doing their best kamikaze impressions in my stomach.

Of course! If their souls aren't in their bodies we can use the curse Miss Calendar found to return them! Why didn't I…

I hear the front door click as Giles rushes in. He smiles.

"I think I may have found it this time!"

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"Didn't we already try this one? Maybe your old age is making you crazy and forgetful, you know, like that wrinkly grey guy outside the grocery store who keeps asking us if we won the war." Giles glares at Anya in frustration as she reads leans over my shoulder to read the faded yellow parchment I'm holding. "Careful, you might get blood on it."

I reach into my fluffy purple backpack and pull out a Scooby Doo plaster for my finger.

"We haven't tried this one yet. All I'm worried about is the fact that we're lacking in three colourful fairies and a Prince Philip."

The rest of the group stare at me questioningly. They lost the Disney reference! How can anyone miss a Disney reference!

"The title of the spell? It translates as '_The Sleeping Beauty_'. Y'know, the cartoon with Princess Aurora and the owl with the pointy hat and then everyone falls asleep…" My face creases and I can feel my cheeks burn as I glance around the room at them, eager for someone to back me up. Xander smiles a little but before I have time to redeem myself Giles butts in.

"This may be our last hope for now. We have to try it soon. For all we know, she may not be able to…come back if we leave her in this condition for much longer."

I wander over to the desk in the corner of the room, reading the spell I'm holding as I walk. I rummage through the bottles on the table with my spare hand and realise that we're missing a few key elements.

"I need to go to the magic shop first. We've run out of a couple of things."

"Yeah, and I'm gonna go pick up something to eat for all of us. Breakfast was a while ago." Xander heaves himself up off his seat, him and Anya heading out the door quickly.

"Remember the spring rolls!" Giles call out from his new place in the bedroom. He's examining Angel's watch.

Oz volunteers to drive me to the magic shop before it closes and goes to start up his old van while I write my list of things to get.

As I make my way out of the apartment I turn around just in time to catch Giles reading the spell and shaking his head.

"Everything ok?" I stop for a moment and watch his frown break into a not so reassuring smile.

"Fine. Yes. Hurry back." His eyes fall back onto the old piece of worn paper he holds.

I turn round to close the door slowly and I see the sadness flash across his eyes. I know what he's thinking. I realised it too.

There's not a hope in hell of this spell working.

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_Angel…_

I watch her clumsily pull on the grass skirt as the girl next to her, aged maybe around sixteen, demonstrates the dance.

She begins to move her arms in sync with the girls, her hips joining in with the rhythm of the small band playing nearby. She moves like the ocean, her small body graceful like the waves as they gently lap against the sand. How soppy am I! That's what she would say if she could hear my thoughts right now.

She giggles as she begins to get the hang of it. Her eyes shine with the light of the bonfire as she looks over to me, her left hand following the flow as she signals me to join in.

I grin but shake my head, digging my bare toes into the warm sand. My eyes drag themselves away from her for a moment to gaze up at the sky, it's darkness illuminated with the glow from the thousands of stars that decorate it.

When I look back she's adapting the dance to include several rather strange moves including one that looks a lot like…starting a lawnmower!

I can't help but laugh at her inane actions and she spots me, pouting unconvincingly before regaining her gorgeous smile. She runs over to me, dragging me up of the sand and I succumb to her wishes, doing my best impression of a garden sprinkler.

As she skips in circles around the fire I watch her in wonder, eternally grateful for my newfound sense of humour.

I love being married.

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_Joyce…_

"Mrs Summers?"

"Yes?"

"I'm Inspector Dan Bailey and this is officer Anthony Rae. May we come in for a moment?"

I step aside and gesture for the middle aged man and his uniformed escort to enter my quiet home.

"We wanted to ask you about your daughter Buffy."

"What about her?" I feel the muscles in my back tighten. I've been expecting this for days.

"Her college professors have reported her as missing from all her classes from the past few days and a number of the students from her hall of residence confirmed that she hasn't been seen around campus for about the same length of time. We don't mean to alarm you but when we get these reports we have to follow them up. Tell me, have you spoken to your daughter since Friday?"

"I spoke to her ON Friday but not since. She told me she was going to visit an ex-boyfriend of hers. She hasn't called but that's because she doesn't like me interfering. For all I know they could have eloped to Fiji!" I laugh nervously as I try to maintain my composure. The detective holds my stare for a moment.

"Is this the same ex-boyfriend that she stated was the reason for her recent overdose?"

I look fiercely at the man, who I've rapidly decided to dislike, and attempt to put him in his place.

"My daughter made a mistake. She knows that. It can't be taken back. But nothing he could say or do could cause her to make that mistake again. She knows her life's worth. And, just out of curiosity, how do you know about that private medical information." I stare at him defiantly.

"All psychological evaluations are opened to the police during a missing persons investigation" he produces a notebook and jots something down.

"She isn't a missing person," I state bluntly. He glances around the room intently as if looking for something and stops when his eyes meet mine.

"Of course not." He relaxes a little and glances at officer Rae.

"Do you know the name and address or a telephone number that we can contact this boyfriend at?"

"Ex-boyfriend. Angel. I don't know his surname." He nods his balding head at the accompanying officer and they walk slowly towards the door. He hands me a card. "Make sure Buffy calls me or comes down to the station when she gets back. Just to let us know she's alright."

"I will." The men walk down the front porch and I close the door calmly behind them. I wait until I hear the car drive off before hurling the nearby vase of artificial flowers at the wall, the anger causing my entire body to shudder uncontrollably.

I rip up the card in my hand and grab my jacket off the sofa pulling it on as I charge out the door.

I wish these people would hurry up. I want my baby back.

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_Willow…_

I sit on the edge of the bed as I push a loose lock of hair behind her ears. The spell was a bust. Xander went all quiet and took off. Anya ran after him.

Giles is sitting on the floor beside the bed, his eyes studying my book - the one I was reading earlier. He's already ruled out the key thing, and from the rare slump in his shoulders I can tell that he's seriously running out of ideas.

Joyce was here a while ago. Something about cops coming to visit her. I know who she meant. They talked to me yesterday, asking if Buffy had been around. I stuck with our cover story that she told us she was visiting Angel and she hadn't called yet. They gave the impression that didn't believe it but it'll buy us some time for now.

I gaze down at her, her face expressionless.

Where are you? Will you ever come back? I understand what you did but was it the right choice?

The corners of her mouth turn up a little bit and I stare at her closely, my eyes wondering if they even saw that barely-there smile.

My fingers tighten around the rumpled sheet of bloody paper and I slip it back into my pocket.

"Willow, page 43 is missing from this book. Do you have any idea what was on it?"

"Not a clue. Was like that when I got it."

If you're happy where you are, I'm happy to let you stay there

I just wish you had said goodbye.

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Mwah ha ha! Eleven chapters down, Seven chapters to go…

The next chapter takes us back into dreamland and the Buffy and Angel POV's. It's fluffier than a cat that's been put in the dryer! (Sorry to all you people whose cats have been put in the dryer – didn't mean to bring back the painful memories!)

Thanks for reading!


	12. Lifeline

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. She agrees and they do the spell. What happens next?

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.

A/N 2: This chapter is a Buffy and Angel POV. Mmm…fluffy!

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Eleven - Lifeline

_Buffy…_

Everything.

My world.

That's what you are to me.

When I was thirteen I had my mind made up. No babies for Buffy. Well, unless Christian Slater wanted me to have **his** babies. He was the one exception.

By the time I was fourteen the subject never even crossed my mind. I was pre-occupied with more complicated thoughts. I could feel something awakening in me, something deep inside. Something primal. I didn't know what it was, just that it wasn't normal. In the back of my mind I knew my destiny wasn't the same as the other girls in the class. The girls who (before they had finished puberty) had already decided that their lives would consist of marrying a rich guy and having his spoilt kids. I already understood that my life was to be different. I didn't know how or why.

When I was fifteen I found out. I was the Slayer. The one girl in all the world who yada, yada, yada. I'm sure I'll tell you the story one day. Anyway, that settled it for me. No career, no relationships, no family. I would never be a wife, never be a mother. Merrick told me. He said that it wasn't possible. Slayers didn't have kids. End of.

But here you are.

Lying in my arms you look just like your daddy when he sleeps. That little half-smile lighting up the shadows in the room. And you're all mine.

My baby girl.

My daughter.

I can't believe that you're real, but all my instincts tell me that you are. I felt the pain necessary to bring you into this world. The blood rushing through my body. The heat threatening to burn me from the inside. I thought I was dying again. Then I heard you scream for me and all the pain went away. Suddenly I was more alive then I've ever been before.

All I could see is you. My other dream come true.

I snuggle you tighter to me and your only response is to blink your beautiful big eyes at me. What do I expect? You're only an hour old!

Your daddy opens the door slowly and cautiously walks over to us. He's a little careful around you. He's never had to deal with a baby before. But don't worry, I can see his emotions in his eyes. The love he feels for you rivals my own.

Daddy's girl or Mommy's girl? I wonder.

He sits down gently on the bed, his hand moving up to tenderly stroke the tiny tuft of blonde hair that decorates your head. You move your little fist up to your mouth and begin to suck on it, your eyes drifting shut. I glance up at the man in our life and he's smiling down at you in wonder, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears of happiness.

Our girl. Whoever thought this day would come.

I know I didn't.

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_Angel…_

Two hundred and forty-three years have led up to this single moment.

My wife and my daughter sitting before me.

I never thought I could feel like this. Three years ago Buffy awoke something new and exhilarating in me. She made me fall in love for the first time. I had feelings so intense that sometimes just looking at her made me so dizzy that I literally couldn't focus on anything in the room but her. I thought she'd be the only person I could ever feel so strongly about.

Then along you came.

Those long hours that I had to watch my wife in pain were almost unbearable. She was so brave. She was incredible. I've never been as proud of her as I am now. And it was all worth it for that look in her eyes when you, our baby, took full howling advantage of your first breath.

The second you realised that you were in the safety of your mommy's arms the crying stopped and you haven't made a noise since. You've just looked around you, trying to take in all the blurry sights and muffled sounds.

You're an absolute dream.

I can't believe how hard I've fallen for this girl.

Every inch of you - your fingers, your toes, your deep brown eyes that have already worked their magic on me.

I feel like the whole worlds fallen away and all that's left is this remarkable little person in front of me. Completely helpless. Mine to protect until the day I finally die. If I ever do, that is.

Eight months ago we found out that we weren't going to be alone in our little world anymore. We'd only been here for ten months. To say it was a surprise would be understatement of the year. In the context of the situation, we thought that we would get to choose when we brought another person into our lives. Apparently not.

I'm so happy you're here. Our little miracle.

I never thought that I would ever get the chance to be a husband, let alone a daddy. I never deserved it. I still don't. Because of that I'm gonna be so great at this. I'm gonna take this chance, this little person that I'll never be worthy of, and I'm gonna help you to shine. I'm gonna teach you everything you need to know to be the kind of person I wish I was. The kind of person that your mother is. Smart and brave and beautiful (inside and out).

My whole world is in this room right now. I never thought I'd ever be blessed like this. I have two incredible people that I love so powerfully. Two people that I depend on just to stay alive. My girls.

My lifeline.

So now I'm gonna make a promise to both of you.

I'll never let anyone, anything, hurt either of you. I'll be with you whenever you need me and whenever you don't. Every second of every day I'll be madly in love with both of you. Til the end of time I'm yours.

I promise.

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_Buffy…_

"At least there'll be no more chocolaty mustard." I watch as you cringe a little at the reminder of my pregnancy craving - chocolate dipped in a disgusting English mustard. Ew. "And no more ice-cream taking up the entire freezer." You stare at me in protest, silently objecting to the last statement. "Well, maybe we can keep some of the ice-cream." You nod your head enthusiastically and I pull on one of your clean shirts. That shower was just what I needed. My mom was right - labour's hard work!

I drop down onto the bed and gaze at you as you cradle her, her tiny frame somehow fitting perfectly in your big strong arms. Nestled against your chest she looks even smaller than she is.

"She's gonna need a name." I take a sip of my water and sit back gently, still a bit sore from the birth. We've talked extensively about names but we've never been able to settle on one.

"I think she looks like a…uh…" you falter for a moment before closing your mouth and staring intently at our daughter. I follow your eyes and study her miniature features, trying to think of the perfect name for the newest member of our unconventional little family. The final piece of the Buffy and Angel puzzle.

"Something nice I think. None of these weird names that the celebrities seem to think their kids will thank them for when they grow up. I mean, who the hell would name their children after a piece of fruit? Apple? Come on! And definitely no Irish names." He smirks a little, never taking his eyes off our sleeping baby. We've already had the Irish name debate. All the girls' names sound a little strange to me. Anyway, she's gonna have an Irish surname. And her middle name's gonna be Kathryn after Angel's sister. He asked me a few weeks ago if it would be ok "…if we had a girl, of course. Somehow, I don't think a boy would appreciate it as much". I told him I would be honoured to name our baby after his sister.

"How about Madeline?" he looks up at me and raises his eyebrows. During the seventh month I'd begged him for this name. He'd said no - something about his father and the French.

"Thought you didn't like it?" I glare at him suspiciously. He smirks guiltily and looks up at me. "I always liked it. I just wanted to know if she'd look like a Madeline. And I think she does."

I smile, moving closer to the two of them. I lean my head on his shoulder and watch our baby as she dreams. Her hands are tucked under her chin and she jumps a little, her eyelids fluttering open for a second before closing tightly.

"Madeline Kathryn O'Connell. What do you think?" she opens her eyes and I her stare burns into me. She's going to be a wild one. I can feel it. I guess that's kinda like me. And, from what I've heard, her daddy. She blinks at us and I take that as an acceptance of her new name.

"I like it. I think it suits her." Angel states simply, beaming down at her as she grasps onto his little finger, her whole hand not even big enough to cover half of it. "Good grip." He chuckles a little as our daughter squeezes on his hand.

I stand up slowly and make my way to the small bassinette at the side of the bed. I lift out the card that's tucked into the edge of the blankets and take it over to the nightstand. Using a black ballpoint pen I write in the name that's going to be with my girl for the rest of her life.

Madeline Kathryn O'Connell.

Welcome to our world.

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Sorry I took so long to update. I've been loaded down with uni work and some mysterious 'virus'. Why do all docs tell you that you have a virus if they can't work out what's really wrong with you? I should complain to the NHS…

Anyways, this chapter was a little bit later but I hope I made up for that with the fluff. And sorry to all you Irish chicks out there but your names confuse me!

As always, your reviews are very much appreciated and any ideas are taken well on board.

Next chapter is a Buffy POV and it should be up by the end of the week.

Thanks for reading! X


	13. Family

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. She agrees and they do the spell. The Scooby gang find out but they can't get her back and Buffy and Angel are left alone in their new world. Then along came someone new…

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.

A/N 2: This chapter is a Buffy POV. And be warned - it gets a little…adult(!) in the middle!

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Thirteen - Family

_8:38 pm…_

"Come on Princess."

I watch as he easily lifts her up onto his knee, her big brown eyes lighting up as he reveals the latest gift that he's got her. "_Cinderella"_. This is their bedtime tradition. Ever since she moved into her 'big girls bed' her Daddy's told her a new story every night. Right there on the big chair in our sitting room, the fire blazing in the corner as he reads confidently to her. He even puts on the voices. Angel mimicking the seven dwarfs is a life-changer.

She's his image. Her cute little face is like a gentler version of him. Well, except her hair. She's blonder than I am. She's gorgeous. We're gonna have to keep a close eye on her when she's older. The last thing I'd want is for her to be like me circa 1996. Vain and surrounded by horny boys.

I drop down a kiss down onto her forehead, leaving them to talk as I make my way to the bathroom. I can't help but reflect on the last fourteen hours as I walk by the patio doors. Just a regular waking day in the life of the O'Connell family. We ate breakfast in the garden, our black lab Pedro trying to steal Maddy's pancakes while she watched the birds fly overhead. She spent about an hour chasing him around before passing out on the floor of her very purple (it's her favourite colour) bedroom.

Angel and I went for a walk along the river near our home while she slept. We don't worry about leaving her alone - we're well aware of everything around her. Handy little advantage of our strange world.

We were gonna go to the Empire State Building today but we decided to leave it a while. She's so young and we're trying not to show her too much to soon. We have all this power, the ability to do anything, but we want her to have as normal a childhood as she can with us so we're not giving her lots of trips and unnecessary presents. We're not spoiling her.

Well, not too much.

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Today we talked about having another baby. A brother or sister for our little girl.

_10:17 am…_

"Do you think we're ready for another one? I mean, check out Maddy! She's crazy by name, crazy by nature!"

"She does keep us on our toes, doesn't she?" Angel couldn't help but grin at the thought of our hyperactive toddler. "Yeah, she really does."

We stop walking when we get to 'our place.' A little blossoming clearing beside the calmest part of the river, we're pretty sure this was the place that our daughter was conceived. The trees reach high up towards the afternoon sky and the water makes a soothing continuous splash as it hits off the rocks.

"But wouldn't another baby just…complete it all?" he smiles at me encouragingly and I can't mask my agreeing smirk. If only he knew…

"You want a boy, don't you?" I drop down onto the bank, dipping my feet into the cool flowing water. He follows my lead, kicking the water at me playfully.

"No. Well, yes. At some point. But right now all I want is to have a bigger family with you. As soon as possible. I mean, what are we waiting for?" he lifts my hand, kissing my claddagh ring.

"Well, I guess Maddy could use someone to fuss over. You do realise that she's gonna be impossible bossy when it comes to a baby. Remember when we gave her that doll for Christmas. It took her, like, three months to put it down! Imagine what she's gonna be like with a living, breathing, Betsy Wetsy. Jeepers."

Angel laughed at the memory of Hannah, the doll whose arm Pedro almost choked to death on. That was an…interesting afternoon.

"She'll be a great big sister. Well, as long as she doesn't try to feed the baby to the dog." I giggle as he throws his arm loosely around my shoulder, kissing my hair in the process.

A small noise jingles in my ear.

"Maddy's awake." I get up and walk back in the direction of our house. I turn to face my husband. "We'll talk about this later?" He nods his head and smiles, staying beside the stream as I make my way home.

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_9:23 pm…_

The scorching hot water cascades onto my skin and I turn the shower up a little bit more, not quite hot enough yet.

Since we got back from the river it's been a long day. Maddy's just turned three and she's so curious about everything. All day, everyday is an endless barrage of questions.

"Mommy, why is the sky blue and the grass green? Mommy, why is daddy so tall and I'm so small? Mommy, why are the stars so far away?"

I love it so much!

She's so inquisitive and I feel fantastic when I'm able to explain something new to her. To help her learn about the world around her. I always knew I was gonna like being a mom but I never thought I'd enjoy it this much.

And Angel's so great with her. She's brought out a side of him that I never even knew existed. He's such a sweetheart when she's around. Willing to get messy with the crayons but he knows exactly when to tell her "no" as well. She's a complete daddy's girl and listens to every word he has to say.

He's her hero. And mine.

He's definitely Mr Dad. Well, by day at least.

But I've still got him hooked.

When our gorgeous girl's tucked up warm in bed for the night, he's all mine. The passion that used to overcome us every time we were together still burns brighter than the sun.

Take now as an example…

His powerful hands move gently across my hips towards my stomach. His fingers lazily draw circles around my navel as he pulls me towards him, and I feel the smoothness of his toned chest against my back. The steam and the jets of water blind my vision so I close my eyes, letting my other senses take the lead. He begins to move his hands upwards, gently massaging my breasts as the water runs down them.

I let out a sigh of approval and move my hands up to my shoulders. Reaching behind me, I grab his hair, pulling his mouth towards mine. I catch his lips in a hungry kiss, my tongue forcing them apart.

He breaks our embrace and spins me around so that I'm facing him. We back towards the wall as he lifts my arms, throwing them tight around his neck. His hands grab my ass firmly as he pushes me high up the glass and I open my legs, wrapping them around his back.

I loosen my grip a little to slide slowly down to his waist, his muscular frame as my only support. I gasp appreciatively as he enters me. We haven't made love since this morning but it feels like we've been apart for a lifetime.

I use my arms to maintain me as I grind against him, his hands squeezing my behind as we move. The water rushing down onto us makes it hard for me to breathe so he takes the lead, thrusting powerfully as the heat begins to build between us. Our dripping bodies slide against each other as our lips meet again, both of us surprisingly more aroused by the lack of oxygen we have.

My muscles begin to contract and I know I'm almost ready. He senses this and slows his actions, pulling his head away from mine. His left hand reaches up to switch of the shower before returning to its position.

He loves to watch me.

As the movements become too much I let myself go, almost screaming at the intensity of the sensations erupting throughout me. I open my eyes before it's over and I see that look on his face. An almost egotistical smirk. It set's off another wave within me and I begin to climax again.

This time I continue to stare at him as I tremble uncontrollably. His grin fades as he starts to lose the power in his legs. His movements become inconsistent so I grip him tight inside me, willing him to reach his peak. I feel a burst of warmth as he finishes, moaning as his thrusts slow to a stop. He breathes heavily, leaning his head against my shoulder. I hold him tightly, whispering sweet words into his ear until he regains his composure. I raise myself up a little and he pulls out of me, letting me down gently until my feet touch the floor.

His arms remain tight round my waist as I switch the shower back on, the water descending down onto us again.

I reach over to take hold of the shower gel, passing it to him before turning around so I'm facing away from him again.

I hear him chuckle lightly when I suggestively ask him for help.

"There's a couple of spots that I can't quite reach…"

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_11: 51 pm…_

His strong yet soft hands grasp my own as we lie entwined on the large sofa in our cosy main room. An orange flickering glow is emitted from the smouldering fire, casting a shadow across the furniture.

Maddy's curled up on the chair next to us, Pedro playing her guard dog as he sleeps on the floor nearby. Her little thumb's lodged in her mouth (we gotta get her to stop that) and her fluffy white comforter's wrapped around her.

She looks like a real angel.

"She looks kinda like a snowman." Angel's breath breezes across my ear as he whispers gently. I laugh a little. "Not quite the image that I had in mind but you're not wrong." He tightens his arms around me and I snuggle closer into him, the warmth of the fire making my eyes heavy.

"I think I'm sleepy." I turn myself around so that I'm hugging him, his familiar scent comforting. I feel my eyes begin to drift shut but I stop myself.

"We should take her back to bed." I yawn as I talk, not quite able to lift my head up from my husband's comfy chest.

"She'll be fine, just for tonight."

He pulls me over so that I'm lying on top of him. I keep my eyes closed as I feel the cotton throw fall over us. He tilts my head towards him, his hand under my chin, and gently kisses me goodnight. I nuzzle into his shoulder and he holds me close as I begin to drift off.

Our silence is suddenly broken by the thud of tiny footsteps running across the floor. I feel a small hand grasp my arm as Maddy pulls herself up. She cuddles into my back and I remain motionless as Angel envelops her comforter around her, his arms holding us both.

She lets out a small sigh and I can't help but smile. Seconds later I feel her breathing slow down. Satisfied that she's asleep, I open my eyes for a moment. I take in the sight of my husbands' hand, his large fingers tangled around our daughters' tiny hand and my heart flutters with contentment. I don't think it's possible to be happier than I am now.

Today was perfect.

Tomorrow will be so much better.

The last thing I see is the final flame from the fire waver and die, leaving my home in a safe darkness.

Sleep tight, my little family.

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I absently pat the area around me. Where are they? Uh, they're probably making breakfast, also known as a mess of the kitchen. My body feels unusually stiff. I open my eyes for a split second, the blinding light giving me a temporary headache.

Hold on.

My eyes snap open and I leap up from the place I'd been sleeping. What the hell…

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A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the memory of Pedro, my friends fantastic black Labrador. May the cats run riot and the Maltesers flow freely in your heaven, boy. Thanks for the memories. No thanks for chewing the arm off my little sisters doll. She moped for weeks (good boy!).

Next chapter's up as well…read on but please review this chapter too! You may as well do it while you're here! I value your opinions! If you do I'll give you a shout out in Chapter 15! PLEASE!

Thanks for reading! X


	14. Outburst

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. She agrees and they do the spell. The Scooby gang find out but they can't get her back and Buffy and Angel are left alone in their new world. Then along came someone new…

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.

A/N 2: This chapter is a Buffy/Angel/Willow POV.

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Thirteen - Outburst

_Buffy..._

"What…?"

They're all staring at me. So many familiar faces but they all look so different. They all look older.

Willow, Giles, my mom, Xander, Anya and…some blonde girl.

"What happened? Where the hell am I?"

"Buffy, we got you back!" Willow hurries over to me. She tries to hug me but I jump back, shunning her embrace.

What? What does she mean? I glance around the room. Angel's old room. In Angel's old apartment. I look over to the bed and I gasp at the sight of him lying there peacefully. He looks just the way he did when we left all those years ago.

I stand rooted to the spot as they all watch me.

"Buff, you've been God knows where for four and a half years. I promise, we've never stopped trying to get you out. Welcome home!" Xander smiles at me enthusiastically and I strongly resist the extreme urge for my fist to connect with his face.

I look to Giles. He's holding a book. It's the Native spellbook from when Angel and I first…

The realisation of what they've done hits me like a ton of bricks.

Oh God. Maddy!

I race over to Giles and grab the journal from him, tearing through the pages. I feel a hand, my mom's hand, graze my shoulder and Giles quickly pulls the book away from me.

"I have to go back! I have to go back in!" I scream at them as I back away, my eyes starting to burn.

The hot tears fall down my face as I climb back onto the bed, grabbing Angel, shaking him to see if they woke him too. They didn't! Thank god! He has to stay with her! He has to stay with our little girl!

"Buffy?" Giles voice sounds in my ears and I feel heat, an uncontrollable rage, taking over. This is all his fault!

"What the hell have you done!" I fly towards him and, before I can think, my hands are tightening around his neck. He tries to fight me off but I'm too strong and I have no intention of loosening my grip.

I'll kill anyone that hurts my family.

His face starts to go a deep shade of red when suddenly I lose my footing and my back slams against a wall. I look up from my new place on the floor to find Willow standing over me, her hand raised.

"Buffy, calm down! What the hell is wrong with you!" I look back over to Giles. Xander and the girl I don't know are helping him onto a chair while he regains his breath.

"I…" I try to speak but the words don't come.

My mom walks over to me uncertainly, kneeling down so that she's sitting beside me. I see the fear in her eyes as she watches me. I curl myself up as tight as I can, pulling my knees up to my chest, trying to keep them all out. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears but I can taste them on my lips. I bury my head into my arms, hiding myself from everyone around me.

I can't be here.

I don't belong here anymore.

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_Willow…_

"She's freaking out! She just tried to kill Giles! Are you sure that's really her?" Xander paces across the cold stone floor outside the apartment.

Giles is sitting on the stairs, his eyes a little bloodshot. I can see her hand marks around his neck. He removes his glasses, wiping them with a handkerchief as Tara comes out and hands him a glass of water. He tries to swallow some but the pain is visible on his face.

"Of course it's her. She's just a little…upset. I know I'm cranky when I get woken up." Tara glances at me but quickly focuses her attention back to Giles.

"Will, I don't think this is the right time for jokes." Xander sits down beside Giles, giving him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "Why'd she go for him?"

I shrug at him, unsure of why he was her target.

"Because I was holding this." His voice comes out raspy and, if possible, it makes him sound even more English. He holds up the book "She recognised the journal."

"Makes sense." I walk over to the wall, leaning back on it for support. That's when I notice Anya looking around at all of us uncomfortably. "Is there something wrong?" I look at her worryingly. We've become friends in Buffy's absence. We all came to learn that if we didn't respect the people our friends choose to be with, we might lose them. Maybe Buffy would have stayed if these guys had been more understanding.

I can't complain though. They accepted Tara.

"Is Joyce safe in there? It's just…Buffy seems to have become some sort of crazed lunatic." Anya's enquiries get me thinking for a moment. She's right. What was up with Buffy? She just flew completely off the handle.

"We took her away from Angel. Wouldn't you get angry if we dragged you away from Xander?" Tara speaks for the first time since we did the retrieval spell to get Buffy back. I explained the whole Angel thing to her. She seems to think it's all very romantic. I don't agree. I think it's absolutely devastating. But Buffy made her choice and as her friend I tried to respect that. I left her to dream, lying to the others that I was looking for a way to 'help' her out.

Then last night, when we were on patrol in Restfield cemetery, a strange little guy walked up to us and handed me an envelope. He walked away without saying a word. I read what he had given me but Xander snatched it away before I had time to change what it said. "_To retrieve a disorientated soul…"_ I saw him smile at the first new spell he'd seen in two years.

"Well, yes. I'd be angry if you tried to take me away from him. But I wouldn't try to kill the weakest person I could get my hands on."

Giles replaces his glasses and starts to protest before deciding to wave it off. We've all gotten used to Anya's tactless comments over the past few years.

"We don't know what's happened to her while she's been gone. We know the spell was directed towards a dream dimension but she jumped in blind. She could have been anywhere." Tara tries to explain what we've all heard a million times before. It's the only reason I even agreed to do the spell fifteen minutes ago.

"I'm gonna go check on them." feeling guilty, I walk back into the apartment, heading towards the kitchen before I go back into the bedroom.

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_Buffy…_

When I finally open my eyes again the only person in the room is my mom. I look around for a moment, taking in the scenery around me for the first time since I got back. It hasn't changed except for the extra few books scattered about.

Willow leans her head around the door slowly. I look at her and she holds up a glass of water, silently offering it to me. I nod once and push my hair behind my ears, glancing at the floor as the redhead hesitantly walks towards me.

She sits down nearby and hands me the glass. I take a large mouthful, swallowing most of it in one go. The liquid's soothing as it runs down my dry throat. My mom takes the glass out of my hands and passes it back to Willow.

"That was some outburst you had back there. Are you ready to talk yet?"

Will's voice sounds strange to me after such a long time. I've missed her.

I shake my head and stretch my legs out, reaching up to grab a pillow of the bed. I hug it to me tightly. It smells of Angel.

"Why couldn't you just leave me alone?" I speak quietly, the tears threatening to return.

"We didn't know where you were. We wanted to make sure you were ok."

Willow keeps her eyes focused on me as I stare at her.

"I was fine until about twenty minutes ago. Now send me back."

"I'm sorry. We can't. We don't know how." Ibegin to tremble and I feel an ache form in the pit of my stomach.

"Find out how." I demand softly.

"Honey, why do you want to go back?"

My mom speaks for the first time, her voice sounding strained. Her eyes have faded since the last time I saw her. She looks much older than she should be. That's probably my fault.

"I have a life there. A life that I love." All of a sudden I'm taken over by the random memory of the time Angel and Maddy fell asleep on the porch swing. I have to fight back the urge to cry.

"With Angel?" She glances up coldly at the lifeless figure on the bed and I feel myself getting angry again. I stand up and walk to the other side of the room, taking a moment to calm down. I can't deal with this again. I can't deal with them looking down on him after everything he's done for me. He's my little girls' daddy. I'm nothing but proud of being with him and its time they finally got that.

"Yes, I've been with Angel. Have you got a problem with that?" I turn round to face them, standing as tall as my short frame will let me.

My mom must see the pain in my eyes because she looks away, trying to think of something tactful to say.

"I don't. I told them to leave you alone." Willow mutters under her breathe but I hear her.

"Then why didn't they!" I can feel the frustration boiling inside me, and I clench my fists, trying to regain control of my overflowing emotions.

She shrugs at me, looking at her shoes.

My mom pushes herself up from the floor and takes a few steps towards me. "Sweetie, we didn't know if you were ok. The spell you did was very dangerous and we couldn't take the risk. I'm sorry." She tries to sound understanding but I know she doesn't mean it. She hates him. My mother hates my husband.

"Buffy, it's fine. We can do the spell on Angel. We can bring him back out too." Willow stands up eagerly, already reaching for a piece of paper laying on the nightstand.

"No!" I grab the spell from her hand, holding it out of her reach. "He has to stay where he is! He has to stay with her!" Willow freezes for a moment, unsure of what I mean.

"He has to stay with who?" She looks at me questioningly and I sigh in defeat. I didn't want to tell them. Lowering myself onto the chair, I take

a moment before I answer.

"Maddy." I stare at them both, waiting for one of them to ask the inevitable question.

"Who's Maddy?" My mom enquires as they both stare at me. Here goes.

"My daughter."

The silence in the room is deafening.

Finally my mom talks. "Honey, as crazy as it sounds, you've been asleep for four and a half years. You don't have a daughter." She walks over to me, her hand reaching up to touch my face.

"Yes I do." I step away from her, my eyes resting on Willow.

She's smiling, but her eyes are calm. I know that look.

She already knew.

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_Angel…_

"Daddy, where did mommy go?"

I kneel down beside my beautiful daughter, taking the scrunchie out of her hand. She turns round and I tie up her long golden hair into ponytail.

"She's probably getting changed. Why don't you go tell her breakfast is ready and I'll see if I can find you some juice?" I smile fondly at her as she pecks me on the cheek, running in the direction of the stairs.

A couple of minute later she comes bounding back in the door. "Daddy, I can't find her anywhere. Is she hiding?" I get up off my stool and pick my Maddy up, carrying her with me through to the sitting room we all spent the night in.

Her wedding ring is lying on the floor.

"Buffy?"

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A/N: There we go peeps. Chapter 14. Review and Chapter 15 will magically appear (in a few days)…!

P.S. deadbeatsoul - I'm from rainy Scotland, not America. We have some strange names but they still don't confuse me as much as the Irish girls names! It's the spelling!

Thanks for reading! X


	15. Secret Meetings

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. She agrees and they do the spell. The Scooby gang find out but they can't get her back and Buffy and Angel are left alone in their new world. Then along came someone new…

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.

A/N 2: This chapter is a Willow POV and hopefully it'll explain a few things. BTW, I forgot to mention, in my timeline Kathy only lived with Buffy for a couple of days before she got busted and Willow moved in. And the "_Beer Bad_" fire in the Grotto coffee shop didn't happen.

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Fifteen - Secret Meetings 

"What the hell are you playing at!"

"It's good to see you too! Can I get you anything? Coffee? I'm more of a whisky man myself but…"

I slam my fist down on the table and he jumps. He knows what I could do to him.

"Come on sweetheart! There's no need to get violent, now! Sit down and we'll talk about this!"

"What's there to talk about! Do you realise what you've done! God, this was your idea in the first place!"

I slide into the booth and rub my temples, my head throbbing with anger. Buffy had tried to tell us about Maddy but she just broke down. Her mom tried to comfort her but she just screamed at us to get out. She lay down on the bed, stroking Angel's hair. She was whispering something - "I'll be home soon and then we can be happy again, just the four of us and Pedro."

Who the hell's Pedro?

"Let me explain." He reaches over pulling my hand across the table to get my attention.

This better be good.

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UC Sunnydale Campus, the 'Grotto', October 1999… 

The heat of the coffee warms me but the strong taste makes me wince a little. Buffy'll kill me if she finds out I'm having caffeine, especially before bed.

I settle myself into a booth, slipping off my jacket. I dig through my holdall for my psych book, taking a few seconds to open up to Chapter 23 - "Suicide and You" - A little bit of extra credit reading for Professor Walsh. I skim the first few lines as I break a bit off my chocolate-chip cookie.

"_Statistics indicate that every American student will know at least six people that have contemplated suicide and 4 of American students will know someone who has attempted successfully or not, to take their own life. Most people are unaware of the suicidal tendencies of others…"_

A loud crash grabs me away from my book and I glance towards the direction of the noise.

"I'm really sorry love, I tripped over my shoelaces." His accent…Irish, I think, sounds almost alien as he slurs at the male waiter. "I'm gonna sit down for a minute and then I'll be on my merry way."

He stumbles a few steps forward before stopping and turning back, bending down to pick up a bottle green trilby hat. He straightens himself back up and gently places the hat on his head. I notice what he's wearing - a faded red shirt over a stained off-white vest and…brown suit pants? Jinkies.

I slide myself along the seat and nearer to the wall as the guy gets closer to me. He seems to be watching me so I avert my eyes back to the book I'm reading.

"Willow."

I hesitantly look at him. "Do I know you?" For some reason he's giving me a case of the wiggins.

"Not yet." He drops into the seat opposite me in the booth. "But I get the feeling that we're gonna be great pals." He extends his hand across the table and I stare at it for a moment, unsure of what to do. After a moment I tentatively reach over and shake his hand.

"I'm Doyle."

"Well…Doyle. H-how can I help you?" I retract my hand and wipe it along the side of my jeans. I really don't like this. This guy smells like sewer.

"This is about how I can help you actually."

I blink at him, raising my eyebrows in question. "What do you mean?"

"I hear you're becoming quite a good little witch and I need your help with something. Big rewards if you do." He doesn't seem drunk anymore. In fact, he seems stone cold sober. He watches me as if waiting for an answer to something.

I bet he's a demon. I gotta get outta here now.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I try to casually brush him off, picking my textbook off the table and pushing it into my bag.

"You re-ensouled Angelus. I know who you are." I grab my jacket and try to step out of the booth but he thrusts his leg across the space under the table, his foot blocking my only way out.

"You're drunk. You don't know what you're talking about." I try to push his leg out of the way but it holds still.

"I'm not drunk. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was last night. Explains the smell. But I've come to realise that if you put a stagger in your step people don't take you seriously. Leave you alone."

I pretend to ignore him, pushing his leg again.

"Sit down, kid!" I attempt to glare at him aggressively but I must look like I'm gonna be sick. To make it worse, he's smiling. Kinda laughing at me.

"Don't worry. I work for The Powers That Be. The good guys. I know all about you and your friends." His matter of fact attitude seems kinda charming. The accent doesn't hurt much either.

"Who are you?" I can't help but sit back down, curious at what he has to say. Anyway, there's at least a dozen other people in this coffee shop and Buffy's meeting me here soon. He takes a deep breath, pulling his foot away from me and back under the table.

"I'm a seer. Usually I get visions from the PTB's. You know, visions of people that I have to help." He does that thing again where he waits for me to answer a non-question.

"W-well what are you doing in Sunnydale?"

"There was this guy I was supposed to help. Angel. You know him."

I feel my heartbeat speed up. How could I forget?

"He was my best friends boyfriend. They broke up."

"Mmm." He nods his head vigorously to indicate that he already knew this. "Little miss puppy eyes. He had one serious soft spot for her. Could have been the perfect happiness thing. Not often you find many women who can…"

He must notice my glare because he trails off, his eyes glued to my cookie.

"Anyway, I was supposed to help Angel with some stuff. Y'know, help him get his act together when him and the slayer split. When the PTB's told me this I had a grand plan about babe hunting in the LA nightspots but they had other ideas. Something a little bit more serious." His casual demeanour calms me down a little but I feel worry build up inside me at the mention of my best friends ex.

"So where is Angel now?"

"He's safe and well and getting on with his life. Well, technically, his death. He's doin fine and that's all you need to know for now. Anyway, I'm not here about him. I've already given him all the help I can. I just thought that you might trust me if you knew we had a mutual friend."

Huh! How dumb does this guy think I am?

"I don't trust you. I don't know you! You might be involved in some sneaky plot to kill Buffy! There always seems to be one of those going on! Yeah, that's it! You're gonna try to get me to…" He cuts me off, his hand digging into the breast pocket of his shirt.

"Well, maybe this will change your mind."

He holds out his hand and drops something onto the table. I pick it up, examining it for a moment. The inside reads "_I will remember you_".

Buffy's claddagh ring looks just like it did the last time I saw it. I didn't recognise the message on it but she had told me that she had left it in the mansion just before he came back from hell. She was trying to gain a little peace over losing him so she had it inscribed, leaving it in the place where she killed him on what she intended to be her last visit there.

I knew it was hers from the little "A" she had scratched on the back of the heart. I'd seen it a couple of times before.

"How did you get this?" I gaze up at him questioningly. He could only have got this from Angel and he would never give up something that had meant so much to Buffy.

"He gave it to me so that you would know that I'm not here to hurt her."

Angel would never trust anyone that would wanna harm Buffy. Maybe this guy's telling the truth.

I sigh a little, feeling put out over the fact that he's came to me for help. Why not just go directly to Buffy? I place the ring back on the table and he picks it up, dropping it back into his pocket.

"You gonna help me?"

"I'll think about it." I pause for a moment until curiosity gets the better of me. "So what's the problem?"

"It's your little friend Buffy. She's got some decisions to make soon. Big life changing decisions. And you're gonna help her."

"Help her do what?"

"Live the dream."

He smiles at me cheekily, picking up my cookie and taking a huge bite out of it. He stands up, winking at me as he tilts his hat.

"Don't tell anyone what we've been talking about. It's not time for any of them to know yet. Especially not her."

I watch as he puts back on his drunken persona, staggering towards the exit stairs. He climbs up them slowly, stumbling into someone at the top of the stairs.

Buffy.

I watch them exchange a few words and he vanishes around the corner.

"Hey Will! What's up?"

She seems happy. Should I tell her about what just happened? No, not right now. If She'll just freak out about the ring and she's doing so well with the Angel thing now. I can't risk it. But I can't lie to her either. There's only one solution.

Run.

As Buffy walks towards me I quickly hop of my seat, pulling on my jacket at warp speed.

"Everything okay?" She looks at me funnily and then eyes the coffee cup.

"Willow! We've talked about coffee at this time of night. We've only been living together for a week and I've already lost out on a good few hours of sleep coz of your caffeine ragers." She stares at me anxiously, waiting for a response.

"I know. I'm s-sorry" I stutter nervously. "I'm gonna go see Oz. I'll be home in a while. Bye" I glance over my shoulder and catch the very confused look on Buffy's face before I turn the corner.

What am I gonna do?

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_The Grotto, December 1999…_

"Leave them alone. They're where they need to be."

"How…I mean why?"

I'd been out walking, trying to think of spells to help Buffy out of her funky new coma when he had cornered me, leading me across campus and into the Grotto. Now, as we sit in the same seats as last time, he's trying to explain it all to me.

"If they were to stay here it would only end in death. Where they are now…they're happy. They're finally happy. They're gonna have a baby soon. A girl. I saw her in my vision. She's beautiful."

Every time this guy speaks he seems to say something that stuns me. A baby. Buffy once told me that she would love to have a family with Angel "…_y'know, in the future_." We had spent a couple of conversations musing over baby Angels. It wasn't long after that she realised that vampires couldn't have kids. She shrugged it off as if she didn't care but I know it hurt her a lot.

His voice breaks through my thoughts.

"The vampires and the demons will leave Sunnydale alone if you let them be. The Powers have promised. They'll help you with your magick too. Give you a supernatural push towards being a better witch."

"My reward." I state soberly.

"No. Your reward is the knowledge that you're letting your friend have the life she always wanted."

I nod my head a little, slowly getting out of the booth. As I walk away I hear him call out to me.

"You're doing the right thing, you know."

I know.

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_The Grotto, July 2004…_

"I made a mistake. They made a mistake. They thought that locking them in another dimension would somehow stop the end of days. That if all the events that led the First to go after them were stopped then somehow it would stay in its place, hidden under the earth."

"All what events?" What the Hecate is this guy talking about? He's gone nuts!

"Adam, Darla, Dawn, Glory, Connor. The trio, the Beast and Jasmine." He speaks eagerly if expecting me to understand."

"Who are these people?"

The ones who should have been here. The ones that have somehow failed to exist because, technically, so have Buffy and Angel."

"What do you mean?" He's really starting to confuse me now.

"These guys didn't show up because Buffy and Angel weren't here to fight them or help them, whatever the cause. But now we know that they should have been here. They should have been here to prepare them for the final fight." He glances down at the polished table nervously.

"The final fight." He can't seriously mean…

"The end of the hellmouth. Buffy needed her battles to get her ready and Angel needed his to lead him into the Wolfram and Hart boardroom. To lead him to the talisman that will destroy an army."

"What about Aisha? She's the slayer now, can't she deal with this?" I'm getting annoyed at him. Why did he have to give me that spell in front of Xander? Couldn't he have explained this to me first!

"The new girl…it wasn't meant for her. It was meant for Buffy, Faith, Kennedy, Vi, Rona, all of them. But they're not here because of some bad judgement on the PTB's part."

I take a moment to digest all the information that's been thrown at me. Kennedy, Vi and Rona had all came and gone quickly after Buffy left. A trail of dead girls. Dead slayers.

"So what happens now?"

"We're running out of time. In another reality the First would have attacked months ago. Since she's not here it's taken its time. Now she's back we've only got a matter of weeks before all hell breaks loose on Earth. And your precious Sunnydale's the first to go. We need them to get the amulet. At least then we'll have a chance." He doesn't sound so sure.

"When you say them do you mean…them? As in Buffy AND Angel?"

"No, as in Laurel and Hardy! Of course Buffy and Angel, who else?" He snaps at me, his voice echoing off the walls. A few people turn round to look at us and he glares at me.

"It's just…if I wake him up…their daughter…"

"Doesn't exist. They made her up. It's all in their heads." I wish this guy would stop interrupting me. Especially when he's wrong. Buffy believes she exists.

"I don't know if I can…" I try to plead with him but his stern look doesn't waver.

"If you don't they'll all die. Believe me when I say you don't have any choice."

He gets up quickly, not giving me time to reply. I watch as he walks up the stairs, leaving the coffee shop.

I don't know what to do.

I'm gonna have to wake him up.

Buffy's gonna kill me.

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Hey guys! Sorry it took me so long to update but I've just finished the last of my mid-semester tests. I thought they'd never end! Anyway, as promised, a big YOU ROCK! To Angel sumoritos, the only person who reviewed Chapter 13! I've learned my lesson there - never post two chapters at once or practically no one will review the first of the two! And deadbeatsoul - if they don't do it when the kids asleep then when are they supposed to do it!

Oh, and if you have the DVD's or videos, watch the Buffy Season One episode "Angel" sometime soon. Before Monday. Trust me.

If I get more than 6 reviews (please) for this chapter by Saturday night I'll post the next Chapter on Tuesday. Otherwise, it'll be up on Thursday or Friday. Bribery! Hey, it's fair. If I'm takin all the time to write this for you lovely peeps to read then can you please take a couple of minutes to review? Please? If you've got any new BA fanfics up let me know and I'll review them back!

Thanks for reading! X


	16. Fading

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. She agrees and they do the spell. The Scooby gang find out but they can't get her back and Buffy and Angel are left alone in their new world.

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.

A/N 2: This chapter is a Buffy/Angel POV.

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Sixteen - Fading

_Buffy…_

It's been over a week and yet I still can't bring myself to look at any of them. I blame them all and there's nothing they can do to change that.

I'm in mourning.

I'm in mourning for the nursery rhymes sounding from the bottom of the garden. I'm in mourning for the green crayon on the bathroom wall. I'm in mourning for the juice spilt all over the cream carpet. I'm in mourning for those sweet innocent eyes that finally promised us the life that we'd always dreamed about.

Our daughter is gone.

I don't think I'm gonna survive without her.

They dragged him out of our home too. Drugged me until the got him back. I would have killed them all when I woke but he pulled me away. Held me in his arms as I broke down again.

He's so cold. His heart's stopped beating. He's not my husband, my Angel, anymore. He's one of them again. I've lost him to the darkness. He can't even comfort me in the way that I need him to. I just need him to smile at me and tell me that everything's going to be okay. But he can't. He won't. He's going to leave again. I can feel it. Losing Maddy is more than we can cope with.

My family has died. I should have died with them.

This world, this life, is meaningless without them. All the colours have faded to grey. The voices, the noises, in the background have become an incoherent din. All I can do is sit and stare at these damp soaked walls, praying for the day that I can sleep again. Praying for the day that I never have to return to this spiteful world.

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_Angel…_

"Daddy, when's mommy coming back?" Her little voice sounds out around the barely lit room. I look down at her and notice that her eyes keep fluttering. She's exhausted.

"Soon baby. Real soon"

I tuck the warm white blanket around her small fragile body and I lie with her, softly stroking her golden hair until she nods off into a sweet slumber.

We spent the whole day looking for Buffy but we couldn't find her anywhere. There's something seriously wrong going on. One of the benefits of our world was that we always knew where the other one was at all times. We never lost each other.

But I can't sense her anywhere.

I've tried not to panic for my daughters' sake but she's a bright girl and she knows something's not right. I don't know what to say to her if she wakes up in the morning and her mother isn't home yet. For now she's settled on "mommy's hiding".

God I hope that's the truth.

She always said she was gonna take off for a day. "_If I ever disappear don't worry. I'll be back soon…"_ She wanted to paint the waterfall up on the summit of the nearby hills. She could be up there. She could be on her way home now. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier.

I march outside into the garden, Pedro trotting alongside me. He stops at the gate to raise his nose in the air enquiringly.

"Don't worry big guy, we'll find her. She'll be home soon." That statement was more for me than the dog.

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_Angel…_

Nothing. She was nowhere to be seen. The waterfall was the only place left that I could think of to look.

I think she's gone.

As I walk out of the trees at the side of our meadow I hear a sharp howl coming from the house before me.

I panic for a moment and rush forwards, my daughter on my mind. As I near the house I see Pedro racing in my direction. His eyes flash a deep gold hue as he leaps towards me. The sheer surprise of his weight against me knocks me to the ground. He starts to growl ferociously, his paws pinned to my chest.

"Pedro! What the hell is wrong with you!" I grab him by the scruff of the neck and throw him off me. Leaping to my feet, I glare at him. He takes a few steps towards the house before turning back round to face me. His snarls turn into an incessant whine, his eyes glancing at me sadly for a moment. He lies down on the dirt path and begins to scratch the ground in front of him, his claws breaking up the earth.

I watch him intently pounding at the ground. As he speeds up his movements his black paws begin to dissolve, vanishing before my eyes. His legs go next and his actions cease. His whole body begins to glow intensely with a strange red luminescence and he gazes up at me as the rest of him gradually disappears. The last thing I see of him are his golden eyes reverting back to their original blue as he fades away into nothingness.

"What the hell?"

My head suddenly begins to throb but I ignore it, sprinting in the direction of the house. As I enter the garden I close my eyes tightly for a second to try and force the escalating pain out of me. I keep running blind but I open my eyes before I reach the door.

There's nothing there.

I'm startled by the empty space where my home once stood. I spin around, looking frantically in every direction but there's nothing there. Nothing but the grass and the flowers. The moonlight shines down through the trees casting an eerie blue glow on the land.

"Maddy?" I call out for her at the top of my voice but there's no response.

"Madeline!" My throat burns as I force out the ear-piercing scream.

"Daddy?" I see a small shadowed figure lying on the grass, the blanket still wrapped around her snugly.

I hurry over to her, bending down to pick her up.

"Baby, are you ok?" I feel the tension in my head grow as she stares into my eyes.

"Daddy, I can't feel my hands." Her voice is barely recognisable to me. I walk further into the clearing until I reach an area where we're completely exposed to direct moonlight. I gently lift the cover from around her and I almost faint at what I see.

She can't feel her hands because they're not there. Her arms are fading too.

"Daddy, I'm cold." Her petite body shivers in my arms.

I gaze down at her, hoping that the warm tear gliding down my face is hidden by the shadows.

"Sorry Princess. I just wanted to check you were okay." I speak as calmly as I can, trying to steady my trembling body as I drape the cover back over her.

She openly yawns, closing her eyes for a minute before fixing them back on me. The moonlight makes her look like a ghost.

"Am I okay?"

"You're beautiful. I love you." I mean it.

"Love you too, Daddy." She yawns again, her eyes drooping shut.

I sink to my knees, holding her tightly. As I gently rock back and forward as she drifts away into an easy sleep. I feel her body wane beneath the blanket and I grasp her closer to me. The nearer I pull her to me the less of her there is to hold. It's like she's just evaporating. I close my eyes tightly.

I can't watch this.

A bright red light filters through my eyelids. I hold still for a moment, praying that it was just my imagination. A fathers panic for his little girl. I open my eyes and stare down at the bundle in front of me.

The hot wet tears slowly begin to fall down my cheeks and I pull the blanket away. It drifts to the ground, caught in an invisible breeze that carries it out of my reach. My arms feel so empty without her.

I bury my head in my hands as the pain becomes overwhelming. I feel my body shake with misery, my heart heavy with sorrow. The wind picks up around me and I grow cold but I block out all of my senses, trying to ignore the world. I fall back, lying on the grass as the ache in my head becomes too much to take.

Am I dying? I hope so.

After a moment the pain subsides and I feel like I'm floating. Like I'm not quite corporeal anymore. But...

I know that smell.

Blood.

I sit up and open my eyes. I'm stunned by what I see.

Willow stands a few feet away from the bed I'm sitting on. The thick crimson liquid trails down from a large gash on her forehead. She stares at me for a second before her eyes roll around in their sockets and she falls unconscious to the ground.

I lean forward slightly and catch sight of a dazed Xander propped up against the opposite wall. Like Willow, he's bleeding extensively. Even so, the obvious stab wound in his shoulder doesn't make him let go of the object he's gripping.

A gun.

He aims it at me and pulls the trigger. I feel a sharp pain in my chest and I try to get up. That's when I see her.

Lying face down at the foot of the bed, she has a tranquilliser dart in her right shoulder.

Buffy.

I feel a rush of anger as I stand up but I quickly fall to the floor, my mind drifting away into a forced sleep…

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A/N: Hey guys! This chapter's one of the shortest ones I've done coz I had about another thousand words for it but I decided to turn that into the next chapter. This chapter may change as well. I'm not sure if I like it. I think it needs a little bit of…something. I'm just not sure what yet.

deadbeatsoul, I'm kinda worried about you…poor baby! At least I have the satisfaction of knowing that my parents haven't…did stuff…in, like, 19 years. Divorce rocks! And blue 'candy'? Noted!

Thanks to all the amazing peeps who reviewed the last chapter! I was stunned! I've been really ill for the past few days and they totally cheered me up to know that people are reading and liking my fic. Whoopee! I guess it really does help to ask for reviews! So here it comes again…

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review this chapter! There are only two chapters left after this so I wanna get as many reviews as possible for this fic before it finishes!

Thanks for reading! X


	17. Protector

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. She agrees and they do the spell. The Scooby gang find out but they can't get her back and Buffy and Angel are left alone in their new world.

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.

A/N 2: This chapter is an Angel POV.

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Seventeen - Protector

_Two days later…_

I watch her as she sits with her back against the wall, her knees pulled closely to her. She's staring at floor. She literally hasn't moved for about an hour. I could kill them for this.

But it's not their fault. It's mine.

I should have known that it could never have worked out. That we would never have got to stay as happy as we were. It was so predictable. Never expect a happy ending.

I see how much pain she's in and the guilt overwhelms me. She won't even talk to me. The second I go anywhere near her she freezes up. It's because we know each other so well now. She can feel Angelus and she wants nothing to do with him. I can hear his constant laughs piercing my brain, taunting me.

"_You'll never get rid of me. I'm more of a part of you than your dead daughter."_

"We were gonna have another baby." She speaks so quietly, barely a whisper.

"I know." She'd done nothing but hint about it for the last week. That's why I started the baby conversation when we were out walking that day.

Because I knew.

I don't know what to say to her. How to make it better. She's grieving for our family. The life we could have had. It's all my fault. I never should have taken her to that place.

How do I make amends for that?

I stand up and walk over to the door, turning for a moment to see if she might follow. She gazes up at me, her face blank.

"I'm gonna go for a walk." I wait for a response but she just turns back to stare at the floor again.

I reach out for the black duster hanging on the peg, slipping it on slowly. When I turn around she's still in the same position, but her eyes are closed.

"Goodbye."

That word echoes round my head.

With us it always seems to be goodbye.

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The cool summer breeze plays with my hair as I walk through the lamp lit park. There's something different about tonight. I can feel a deep burning in the pit of my stomach.

I'm afraid.

Giles told me that the 'end of days' was approaching rapidly. I read about it in the Codex, the same book I gave him over six years ago. A demonic army. A psychopathic General. The First.

All the slayers are gone. Buffy is the only one left. If she dies before another potential slayer is born then it's over. No more slayers, just a mess of demons, vampires and everything that goes bump in the night. The world as we know it will fall apart. All hell will be unleashed if we don't do something about it right now.

But she doesn't care.

All she does is sit staring out of the window. She's ready to die. Why shouldn't she be? She doesn't owe the world anything. She's played the hero enough times to earn her reward but instead she had her heart broken. She has every right to give up.

Then there's me.

I hurt so many people when I was…him. I didn't earn that little girl. I didn't earn the child I'll never meet. I didn't earn my right to walk in the sun. I've been living on borrowed time and now I have to pay it all back.

I hear a faint rustling in the bushes a few feet away. Probably a cat. Willow said that she hasn't set eyes on a demon since the day Buffy and I left.

I keep walking, glancing at the bush as I pass by it.

Nothing.

I take a few more steps when suddenly I'm hit full force on the back of the head. My legs give way and I fall to the ground. Pain clouds my vision as I turn to view my attacker. All I see is a mangled face and a flash of grimy yellow teeth fly towards me. I feel them, like razor blades, cut into the muscle on my neck. The animal begins to suck, clamping its jaws tighter. I have the overwhelming urge to scream in agony but I can't find the power to force my voice to work.

I feel my insides start to tremble.

Oh God. This is it.

I'm dust.

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"Come on, buddy. What did he ever do to you?"

I hear a faint voice in the distance as the…thing rips himself away from me to glare at someone behind him.

It drops me, turning to look at the guy who interrupted him. My new best friend.

"If you're gonna go for the Irish at least get one a' the guys who uses his accent like a man."

What? Who is this guy?

As my sight begins to clear I finally set eyes on the thing that bit me.

Turok-han.

This just keeps on getting worse.

The vampire starts to pounce at the guy, a fierce roar emitting from his withered lungs.

"Run!"

I try to warn the stranger what he's dealing with but before I have the chance to get up I'm showered with a dirty rain of dust.

What…?

"Are you ok, big guy?" The man wanders through the falling cloud and reaches his left hand towards me. I take it and he helps me to my feet. I stagger for a moment and slowly make my way back to the path. I lower myself onto the nearest bench before stopping to take a proper look at him.

He's kinda short. Dark hair. Definite beer gut. His dress sense is…questionable at best and he stinks of coffee.

"That looks nasty. Good thing ya don't have a circulation."

And he's Irish.

"What just happened?" I can feel my strength coming back already but I can tell that it'll be a few days before I get over that.

"Turok-han." He states casually, pulling a messed up piece of material out of his pocket. He offers it to me and I take it cautiously, wondering what the various stains on it are.

"I know that. Where did it go?" I press the handkerchief to my neck, wiping away the stationary blood. He's right. I've lost more blood than any human could afford to.

"I killed it!" He sound almost excited about this. He puffs out his chest proudly and his wide grin is nothing but smug.

"What! How!" I can't help but show my surprise. There's no way someone like him could have…

"With this." He disturbs my train of thoughts and I watch as he bends down to pick a large red scythe off the nearby grass.

"What is that?" I still can't speak too well but curiosity overcomes me.

"It's…a scythe." He looks puzzled for a second but nods to himself to clarify his answer.

"I think that's kind of obvious. Is it yours?" I lean over to drop the blood-soaked handkerchief into the nearby bin.

"Yes. Well, no. I found it but technically it belongs to your girlfriend." That got my undivided attention.

"Buffy. What's do you mean?" I push myself up a little higher on my seat as a wave of dread washes over me.

"That vampire was after her. She's gonna need this when the next one comes."

"What? What next one?" I can hear the panic in my voice as I force myself up off the bench. He frowns and backs away a few steps, raising his hands in defence.

"Don't worry, Angel. I'm here to help" He almost shouts the word 'help'.

He's scared of me. I can smell it.

"Who the hell are you?" I try to sound intimidating. I don't think it worked. In my current condition I don't think I could even intimidate Xander and that boy is terrified of me.

"I'm Doyle. And I may just have the answer to all your problems."

His face remains straight as he turns slowly around, walking away from me. I take a few steps but fall against a streetlight.

"What do you mean? Where are you going?" I call out to him eagerly, unable to follow. I don't have the strength.

"Come with me and you'll find out" He doesn't stop to answer. I watch him vanish from my sight. Taking a deep unnecessary breath, I throw myself forward and try to stay on my feet as I make my way along the path.

As I turn a corner I see him leaning against the wall of the entrance to the park. He nods his head at me and smiles a little before making his way out into the street.

Somehow I feel compelled to follow him

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The bright lights of Los Angeles fall like a million angels as I drop down into the damp filth of the sewer.

"Where are you taking me?" I've lost count of the number of times that I've asked him this on our journey here. I followed him all the way to the outskirts of Sunnydale only to be more than a little surprised at the car that he casually hopped into. The way he was acting before had me expecting some sort of vision quest, not a rusty Vauxhall with a broken gear-stick.

It took us a few silent hours to reach the city, another thirty minutes to reach our destination - a run down post office in one of the worst parts of town.

"We'll be there soon." He turns round briefly to acknowledge me and I catch a faint glimmer in his eyes as the light from his flame torch illuminated him.

Five minutes later the sewer smell begins to fade and I find myself faced with a stone corridor. The guy - Doyle, I think - continues without hesitation so I trail after him further down into the earth.

"This is it." He pauses suddenly and I walk straight into him almost knocking him to the ground.

"Jesus, buddy! No need to get rough now!" He wipes a nonexistent speck of dust from his shoulder before reaching up to slip his torch into a holder on the wall.

"Sorry." I scan the small cavern we're in. I'm greeted only by an urn and a wall with an archway to nowhere built into it. As my eyes drift I quickly become aware of some foreign writing engraved over the door.

"The gateway to the lost souls…is under the post office!"

"Kinda makes sense if you think about it." He smirks at me knowingly, his hands pulling something out of his pocket. He drops a number of things into the urn, speaking under his breath as he concentrates.

"I don't understand. What is this place?" I turn to face him as he finishes what he's doing.

"Oracles. They'll tell you what you need to know." My confusion grows as he reaches up to pull the torch back off the wall. He can't mean THE Oracles. It's not possible. Especially not under a post office opposite a place called '_Joe's Meat Locker'._

"How…" before I have time to finish he cuts me off.

"Don't mess about now - just get in, ask your questions and get out. They're not exactly know for their pleasant nature if you get what I mean." He dips his torch down into the urn lighting the contents.

"But…" I begin to object but he interrupts me again. Why does this guy keep doing this?

"We beseech access to the knowing ones."

His voice echoes in my ear as I'm wrenched so hard that I feel like I've left my skin behind. A blinding white light shrouds my vision and I feel overcome with lethargy as my feet finally meet solid ground again. Before I have time to recover a cold female voice breaks through the ringing in my ears.

"Come before us, lower being"

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A/N: Hey guys! Sorry this took so long! The good news (if you wanna call it that) is that the last chapter of this fic will be up on Monday coz I actually have time to finish it this weekend!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I was thinking of ways to change it but the reviews convinced me to leave it alone. You guys are the coolest!

REALbluelightsaber and centrepretender - what I was going for at the end of Chapter 16 was: Willow tried to wake Angel, Buffy tried to stop her, Xander stepped in, he and Will got hurt, Xander shot Buffy with a tranq gun (which knocked her out), Angel woke up, Willow passed out, Xand shoots Angel with aforementioned tranq gun. Sorry if it didn't seem too obvious but I wanted to make you guys think for a minute!

Remember guys - last Chapter is up on Monday! How will it all end…?

Thanks for reading!

P.S. Reviews make me wanna write a sequel…(hint, hint!)


	18. Take It Back

Title: Only When You Dream

Author: Xanderschick AKA Sarah

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns the park; I'm just playing in the sandpit til my hands get dirty.

Rating: M rated action. Children avert your eyes!

Spoilers: BtVS seasons 1-3

Distribution: Take it; just make sure you let me know when you review (hint, hint!).

Plot: After Graduation Angel didn't leave. He's been visiting Buffy every night since then because he can't bear to be away from her. But now she's moved to college and his nightly visits aren't an option anymore, so after a visit to a local demon/warlock he's found a spell that allows him to enter and manipulate his girls dream to his every will. If only I could do that to David Boreanaz. All I can say is: WOW! Anyways, they've been dream 'getting it on' and after a snap decision to get married Angel finally let Buffy in to the little secret that he's still in SunnyD. He proposes that they give up on their miserable lives and dream forever. She agrees and they do the spell. The Scooby gang find out but they can't get her back and Buffy and Angel are left alone in their new world.

A/N: Yes, I got the whole dream walking idea from AtS S2 but I thought to myself, "Self, wouldn't this be much more fun if it was Buffy instead of the ex-vamp ho?" Answer: "Yup!" After borrowing the fab DVD's off my sister (AKA Xanderschicklet), I've just realised that they have kinda the same thing going on with Isabel in "Roswell" but I didn't know that when I started this.

A/N 2: This chapter is an Angel POV.

A/N 3: This story is 100 Blondie Bear free so don't even ask. Ever. I mean it.

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Chapter Eighteen – Take It Back

"Why the hell should I trust you? You're not even human!" I march speedily along the stone corridor leading back to the sewer, my power somewhat revived by the activities of the last few minutes.

"As it happens I'm very much human!" Doyle gasps a little as he runs straight into a cobweb. When I turn to look at him his face is a strange shade of greenish brown and there are sharp blue thorns protruding from his skin.

I raise my eyebrows questioningly.

"On my mothers side."

I turn back around and almost run away from him.

"I don't know if I believe them."

"What's not to believe! They're the bloody Oracles! They're not called 'the knowing ones' for nothin' ya know!"

I keep walking, intent to stay away from him. If it's true…I don't know. I can't think about this right now.

"Come on, what'd they tell ya? Don't keep an idiot in suspense! It's cruel!" I still don't know who this guy is but I like him. I won't be telling him that though.

"How're we gonna stop this First thing? Come on! You gotta help me here! The world can't end! Think of the puppies, man! Would you really let that happen to the puppies!"

For the first time in three days I smile. This guy's right. He is an idiot.

"Please, man. What did they tell ya?"

Now he's just getting on my nerves.

I stop abruptly and this time he crashes into me, almost falling over again.

"Okay, for that I think you owe me an explanation. Let's start off with the basics. Was the female one a hottie? D'ya think she'd like a charming Irishman such as myself…"

This time I cut him off.

"They told me…" I stop for a moment, unsure of how to explain this. I scratch my head and sigh, trying to think.

"What! I didn't bring ya all this way to find out nothing!" He's practically bursting and I wonder why he's so frantic to know what went on in there.

"I just don't wanna die." He must catch my suspicious stare, as he's quick to explain his curiosity. I sigh again, leaning against the nearby wall.

"They told me…they told me that it's all on me. I'm the only one who can stop it."

He blinks at me, shaking his head.

"No. I know this. This one's about the slayer. Sorry pal, but the First doesn't care about you. It wants her."

"Exactly. And I'm the only one who can save her."

He takes a step closer to me, eager to here the resolution to all his fears.

"How?"

"Three little words." I state simply.

He grins happily, his face lighting up. The smile quickly falls and he starts to shake his head.

"Huh?"

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_A few minutes earlier…_

"What have you brought for us?"

A gift? He never mentioned anything about a gift!

"I, uh…I brought you this." I reach into my pocket and pull out the only thing I have. A folded picture of Buffy.

The female reaches out her hand and the photo flies towards her, landing gracefully in her palm.

"An effigy of the one you love. How…romantic." She smiles affectionately at her brother for a moment and he returns the gesture.

"What matter have you come to discuss with us?" The male Oracle starts to pace across the raised floor before me.

"I…I lost my daughter. She's in another dimension. I want to know how to bring her here." I meet the gaze of the female but her eyes are now void of any emotion.

"Why don't you go to her?" The male stops suddenly, his hands clasped in front of him as he awaits my response.

"Brother, that would be foolish. He is aware that he is needed here. Until his work is done all means of leaving this world are closed to him." The female snaps at him and I'm troubled by her rapid change in demeanour.

"I…I know. That's why I need to bring her here. Please help me." I'm pleading with them now, desperate for a solution.

"There is no way to bring her here. She's not flesh, she never was. She was not life, and it's not our place to grant life." The male speaks again, his voice firm yet emotionless.

"What! Please! There has to be some way!"

I can feel a lump form in the back of my throat. I would never admit it but I had already given up hope of getting my daughter back. Feeling her fade in my arms had made it seem so…final. She was gone. Then that guy showed up in the park and I saw a chance. It's the only reason I followed him here. I just…believed him.

"At this time there is no way." He addresses me slowly and I catch the slight hint in his voice. At this time…

"What do you mean 'at this time'? If not now…when? What way?" I feel a slight spark of hope ignite in the depths of my cold chest.

"All it takes is three little words and the time will be right."

What the hell is that supposed to mean! Are people going out of their way to confuse me today?

"I don't understand. Three words? What words?"

The male turns to his sister, nodding his head slightly. She looks down at me, meeting my stare.

"A warrior knows that the battle he fights will never be won. But in the midst of all the heartbreak, the panic, the death…there is always a way."

She steps down from her platform, moving towards me. I think she's floating.

"His heart needs a reason to carry on. All he desires is the knowledge that one day…"

She places her hands on either side of my head and closes her eyes. Her fingers shoot bolts of pure electricity through me and I drop to my knees, unable to compose myself.

Oh, god. What is this?

Images flash before me. Demons, goddesses, heroes and saviours. My future explodes before my eyes. All the misery, the suffering, channels into me and for the second time tonight I feel like my unlife is about to end. I let out a piercing scream as the agony becomes more intense than I've ever experienced.

A dragon flies at me, his wings spread wide and his teeth bared. Fire shoots towards me, taking over everything around me. Completely consuming me. But somehow I don't burn. Somehow the pain stops.

I sense her drop down to my level but I can't bear to open my eyes. I feel a soothing warmth emanate from her fingers, sinking deep into my mind. I can't help but smile at the revelation before me, feeling a peace that I've only known once before.

This is perfect happiness.

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I walk unhurriedly down the alley next to my building. The scythe I'm clutching is burning my skin like acid but I don't want to let it go. I have to talk to Buffy about this. About everything.

The Oracles showed me the way to our daughter. I want it so badly but it isn't fair on Buffy if I take it without asking her first. This is her choice too.

As I tug open the steel door to get to my apartment, the overwhelming stench of blood almost knocks me out.

"Willow?"

She's lying motionless at the foot of the stairs. I quickly drop the scythe and leap down to her, grabbing her and shaking her furiously.

"Willow!" Her eyes fall open but her gaze stares right through me.

No pulse.

Her neck's broken.

She's dead.

"Oh God!" I take an unnecessary breath as I let her go. She makes a small thump as she lands back on the ground.

She's not bleeding. That smell…

I look over to the apartment, just noticing that the door is off its hinges.

As I race in I trip over something.

Giles.

His glasses lie on the floor beside him, a single lens smashed. A small trail of blood has dried on the corner of his mouth.

The marks on his neck.

I reach up to rub my own neck, flinching as my ring catches on the torn skin.

Turok-han.

Buffy.

I push myself up off the floor and into the small bedroom.

She's sitting in the same place as I left her.

"Buffy! What happened!"

"I…I…I dunno. There was this…this thing" She's shaking like crazy, her arms wrapped tight around herself.

"A vampire? Are you hurt!" I quickly drop down on the floor beside her, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

"I…I think it bit me. I don't know. I passed out."

"Let me see." I gently turn her head to the side. There are two deep puncture wounds embedded into her neck. Just above the scar that I gave her.

Suddenly it dawns on me…

"Angel, I'm cold. Why am I so cold?" A single tear runs down her cheek as she begins to rock backwards and forwards.

Oh no. Not her. Anyone but her.

"You…you're fine. Come here."

She leans over into my embrace and I hold her tightly, searching for a heartbeat that I know isn't there.

"Oh god, Angel! Why do I feel like this? I can't feel like this! This can't be happening to me! Not now! She sobs hysterically in my arms, her icy tears soaking through my thin black shirt.

I catch a movement at the corner of my eye.

Doyle.

He nods at me once, his face solemn, before walking back out of the apartment.

I grasp her as tight as close as my arms will let me before lightly pushing her away.

"Don't worry. I can fix this."

Blinking back the tears, she wipes her damp eyes with the back of her hands.

"I can fix this." I say it more firmly this time, trying to reassure her. Trying to comfort her.

She shakes her head, the tears beginning to fall again.

"I don't understand."

"Neither did I. Just…just remember that I love you. More than anything in this world. Promise me you'll remember."

"I'll remember."

"Promise?"

She lifts her right hand, her cool skin gently stroking my cheek.

"I promise."

We take a moment in silence, the tension building between us.

"Angel, what are you going to do? I don't understand!"

"Three little words they said. All it takes is three little words."

"What words?" She takes my hands, holding them gently.

I lean over to her and place a soft kiss on her lips.

"Take it back."

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She stands facing me. We're about 50ft apart but I can feel the distance growing with every beat that her heart misses. The smoke threatens to cloud my vision and I feel the tears form in the back of my eyes. But I stay brave. I owe her that. Her face hides a great sadness and I can hear her wordlessly begging me to bridge the gap between us. I can't.

I wonder if she knows? Can she sense that we've been here before?

The flames erupting from the charred ruins of Sunnydale High make me feel like I'm standing in the sun again.

It's been so long.

I turn slowly, trying to take in as much of her as I can. The second I can't see her anymore I walk.

I never turn back.

I'll keep moving this time until I'm too far away to hurt her again. Til I'm too far away to do any of the things I did to her.

Til I'm too far away for her to fall in love with me again.

Better to break her heart this way.

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_I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories_

_Remember the good times that we had?  
I let them slip away from us when things got bad  
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun  
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one_

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories_

_I'm so tired but I can't sleep  
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep  
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word  
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard_

_But I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories_

_I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose  
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose  
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night  
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light_

_And I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories  
_

_And I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories  
Weep not for the memories_

Sitting in the shadows at the edge of the sunlit LA park, I take in the sight of the little girl spinning round in circles. Her father, a few metres away, watches her with a huge smile. The love in his eyes is enough to make me think that this world has the potential to be an okay place.

I haul my eyes away from them, wanting to give them some privacy. Gazing down at the sketchbook in my hand I drag my pencil across the page, adding a little more definition to the face staring up at me.

My Maddy.

I could be hurt. I could be angry. I could be consumed by grief for the family I lost.

But then I remember.

I remember the way her eyes danced when we finished the sandcastle. The way she smiled when the dolphin leaped high out of the waves. The way she laughed when I carried her objecting mother into the cool ocean.

Her picture is almost as gorgeous as her. I just can't catch the stars in her eyes quite right. I'll have to wait til the next time I see her.

As I get up and close my book, I look over to the family playing in the park again. The mother has joined them now. She laughs uncontrollably as her little girl chases her daddy around the grass, brandishing a small yellow flower as her weapon. I chuckle a little, happy for them.

They remind me of us. The way we used to be. The way we will be again.

I was wary at first. But the Oracles don't lie.

The vision I had was beautiful. It was all I'd ever wanted.

My daughter, my wife and I playing in the sand. So simple and yet so effective. Enough to keep me fighting.

If we get through this, that's my reward. I just have to keep on wishing til my time has come.

You see, with Buffy and me it's never over. That's what the Oracles showed me that night. I get what I want if I'm patient enough to wait for it. All I have to do is kill time until she finds her way back to me. It won't be tomorrow and it won't be next year but it'll happen.

I'll have my wife and my daughter back. This time it'll be for real.

But for now though, I'll just have to settle for living with them only when I dream.

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A/N: That's it!

Hope you guys liked it! What did you guys think of the ending? I know it was kind of sad but I decided to stay away from that whole 'Angel becomes permanently human/soul binding' stuff. I love it but it's been done loads. The song's "I Will Remember You" from Sarah McLachlans Mirrorball album.

Thanks to all the peeps who reviewed any of the chapters in the fic – you guys were the ones that kept me going!

There's sequel potential for this story but only if I get enough reviews for this last chapter. Let me know you liked it (if you did)!

Big bites and snuggles til next time!

Xanderschick XXX


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